Bad situation

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EvangelineWalker
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Bad situation

Post by EvangelineWalker »

Hi,
I'm not sure if this is the place to discuss this or not, but ToOers are like family:) I guess I should ask for your prayers. It's not for me, really, it's my sister but it's affecting me and my family. She got married not long ago, and over Christmas and New Years, we found out her husband was abusing her. He shoved her in the closet, kicked her etc. Good thing she got out of there, especially with the new baby who was born in December.
It's really been a turbulent time since then--she moved back in with my parents, where I and my other sister are also living, and we've been helping her with the baby while she goes to school and court. It's all really been hard on her--she still loves him but she just decided to get a divorce. He was also kicked out of his job for starting a fight.
We all thought he was an ok guy-- he put on a good face. But apparently he was a different person behind closed doors.
A lot of our family knows about the situation but we haven't told very many other people. Up until now, we've been a 'normal' (no one's completely normal:) Christian family with not much for bigger problems. My mom is the director for a Christian organization that teaches kids--one reason why we have been kind of keeping it quiet outside of the family.
It's all been hard on us especially my sister and it seems like every day there's some crisis or other (like today). I'm hoping it'll bring us closer together, which is one good thing that could come out of this.
I really have no desire to see that man who did this ever again. I know I should forgive but that will be a long time in coming it seems like.
I'm not really supposed to talk about it with people, even one grandma doesn't know (it's hard not lying!) and so I kind of wanted to talk to somebody. Do you guys have any advice or anything? I'm kind of at a loss right now, I've never been through something like this (even though it isn't happening to me personally), and things look pretty bad--I don't want the baby to grow up without a father but I certainly don't want him in her life if he's going to abuse her or her mom.
There. I kind of had to air out some feelings. I hope you don't mind.

--He just called and said "You've been fooled" on the answering machine as if I'd believe him over my sister--besides, the evidence points to abuse! I just gave him a piece of my mind like I've been wanting to do and told him I never wanted to talk to him again. Right or wrong, it felt good to actually say something to him after two months...
I'm also kind of worried he might come to our house and do something....I'm probably being paranoid, but it's been feeling a little like a house under siege.
Anyway that's it for now.
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American Eagle
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Post by American Eagle »

That must be really hard, Evangeline. :( I know it's cliché, but this whole situation must be soaked in prayer. That's the best advise anyone can give. Spend much time talking to God and sharing this entire situation with Him. I can't possibly predict how this tough time will play out, but God really knows. He has the answer.

I've never been through a divorse in the family, so I'm sorry that I have no other advice. Just keep "being there" for your sister. :yes:
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SoccerLOTR
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Post by SoccerLOTR »

I'm really sorry to hear about this whole situation, especially for your sister, but it's gotta make life crazy for all of you. :-( I will pray for it all to get sorted out.

First of all, I am SO glad that she has the courage to get out of that situation...so many women just put up with it and tell themselves that things will get better--which it never does, sadly. If she ever doubts the decision, just assure her that she is doing the right thing, and it is by FAR best for the baby. Abused kids end up in some really tough places/can get involved in some bad stuff later in life. And I'm glad to know she has a supportive family through all of this, it's gotta be tough. If you're all really concerned about this guy coming around and doings something, you can get a PPO (personal protection order) from the court, which may help ease your mind.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this low-key, i know it's difficult not to have anyone to talk to about stuff :'( If you need anything, feel free to message me or something, i don't mind rants, and i'm always willing to pray. :-)
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Sapphire
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Post by Sapphire »

I'm so sorry to hear about this, Evangeline. It must be very difficult. An abusive situation is never easy to solve, but I'm glad that your sister got away from him. Especially before the baby was born. I will keep this tough situation in my prayers.
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Post by Catspaw »

I will be praying as well. :) I'm glad that God provided a way for her to leave the bad situation.
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Laura Ingalls
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Post by Laura Ingalls »

I'll be praying for you and your family! :hug: I know how hard it is - my family has been going through a similar situation with my oldest brother this past year. It has been extremely difficult for all of us. Just keep on praying and leaning on God. :)
The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance.
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Mimi
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Post by Mimi »

I'm so sorry Evangeline! I will be praying for you, your sister, and your family!

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EvangelineWalker
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Post by EvangelineWalker »

Thank you everyone! I appreciate your prayers.
It's especially hard for her on Valentine's Day because she was hoping everything was going to work out and be so beautiful and here it is like this. :(
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StrongNChrist
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Post by StrongNChrist »

I'll be praying. Prayer is the best thing for this kind of situation.

Few things, one: It's not impossible to get a restraining order. If you're worried that her ex will come to the house get a restraining order on him and if he comes within a certain amount of feet to her he will be arrested. I'm not sure how hard it is to get that but I've heard from someone who had to get one for an ex of her own that it's not too hard.
Also, I don't know how she'd feel about this or if it'd help but maybe consider getting her something for V-day. It might not be the beautiful day she was looking forward to but it could at least help her get through the day with maybe at least one smile.

And you and your whole family will be in my prayers.
~Forever at her Savior's side.~
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SoccerLOTR
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Post by SoccerLOTR »

StrongNChrist wrote:I'll be praying. Prayer is the best thing for this kind of situation.

Few things, one: It's not impossible to get a restraining order. If you're worried that her ex will come to the house get a restraining order on him and if he comes within a certain amount of feet to her he will be arrested. I'm not sure how hard it is to get that but I've heard from someone who had to get one for an ex of her own that it's not too hard.
Also, I don't know how she'd feel about this or if it'd help but maybe consider getting her something for V-day. It might not be the beautiful day she was looking forward to but it could at least help her get through the day with maybe at least one smile.

And you and your whole family will be in my prayers.
Did she make any police report about this stuff? If so, it'll be no problemo getting a PPO (AKA restraining order)--she just needs to know/find out the case # and present it to the court. If there's no report, she can still get one, I think it might just be a bit more difficult, but I'd check into it if he's a potential problem.

StrongNChrist, the idea of getting her something for V-day is good! =D> Obviously, I don't know your sister, but it sounds like something that might remind her that she still has people around her who love her and think of her on days like this. :)

Still not forgotten, and still praying for you all! :pray:
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It was good knowing you StrongNChrist; you taught me a lot. I'll meet you someday for real in God's presence.

Which Jesus do you follow? If Ephesians says to imitate Christ, why do you look so much like the world?~Todd Agnew

Do not be anxious about anything...~Phil 4:6-7

If more of us valued food, cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.~Tolkien

Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.~J Adams

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.~B Franklin

I died and became a Roman Soldier--It was rather distracting.~Rory (Dr.Who)
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Post by Alyssa »

:hug: Evangeline, I will be praying! I know that that is really though, but I also know that good will help you through it. Again, I will be praying.
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Post by Parker Family »

My prayers are for you :pray:
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