Chandler wrote:Trent DeWhite wrote:Entry 1 wrote:"Hello, Gregory," The doctor reviewed his chart. "I'm Dr. Morton. Do you remember anything about what happened to you?"
Maybe the doctor was reviewing *Greg's* chart?
Loll. True.
Well, let me first give my takes:
The First Story sure kept you interested; however alot was missed out. Such as, why the heck isn't Doctor Blackgaard dead? The whole Gregory/Maxwell thing couldv'e been evolved a lot better. Having them wake out at the end on the side of the road has been done already. Maxwell's top secret information couldv'e been at the very beggining. He said it himself; it was destroyed, so why couldn't he have said it sooner? He wouldv'e saved a lot of trouble. Obviously theres nothing to hide if it doesn't exist. Lastly, would Tom really appear with a shotgun. I don't recall any goodguys on the show using guns as weapons. And the text felt as if the writer got a little lazy near the end.
The 2nd story didn't make much sence either. Why did the boy ask a lot of questions about religion? At one point, he sounds like he's trained to kill. It's implanted in his mind. But then he's having a conversation like a normal dude with Mr. Riley. The scenes with the guys chanting never really was explained (though, kudos on leaving something for us to guess). Having Rah as the God is kindv'e...Egyptien; which I found a little Amusing, but taking away from the story. Sedgewick is not a very common name. The chances of having two Sedgewick in some sort of law-inforcement in kindv'e strange in one town. If the writer meant it to be the Sedgewick from 'Red Herring', then it's something I need to mention upon, because that Sedgewick is trained for detecting hackers. I've written many stories like this so I kinda got ''been there, done that'' type of attitude. However, I did enjoy the whole, ''Connie on-looking and seeing what's happening and that completes the scene between Austin and Tom with the gun thing''...if that makes sence.
The third Text: A private investigator? Why would you need one of those? Which private citizen was he investigating for; the dead Richard? Man, he's not getting paid, is he? Maybe the writer was searching for another word. The story spent so much time on that guy, that it wasn't even the focus of the story. What was up with him being hungry? He sounded as though he wasn't well off or something.
However, the conversation at the beggining was refreshing, and the ending was quite interesting. Richard Maxwell dead--that's a good idea to have on Odyssey. I enjoyed that to the whole--"Richard Maxwell is back to save the day".
Though, honestly, all three were good. Don't let my mean comments put you down. They grabbed your attention and kept you interested--each and every one of them.
Though, as much as I like the Violence, Suspense, and Supernatural Occurences; I'm gonna have to go with Number Three. Good job, whoever you are!
BC
They were all enjoyable and well written.
