Choose my answering machine message!!!!!!

Jessicado · Post by **Jessicado** » Mon May 09, 2005 3:24 am

So I like to have funny messages on my cell phone and I try to change them every so often...I’ve used up most of my favorite ones, but now I am stuck between a few not so favorite ones....so you all get to help me decide!!!!!!! $\:D/$

Evil Chick · Post by **Evil Chick** » Mon May 09, 2005 5:40 am

Those are good, jessicado! What were some other ones you've had?

gimp80995 · Post by **gimp80995** » Mon May 09, 2005 7:15 am

A couple for options for you that ppl thought were hysterical on my answering machine / voice mail

"You have not reached an answering machine. You have reached a telepathic thought recording device. If you would please THINK about your name, phone number and the reason you called after the tone, I will in turn THINK about returning your call"

"Hello? hello? (like you would if you picked up the phone and did't hear anyone) Oh, wait, I ain't here. Leave your message after the tone"

"You are reaching gimp's answering machine because I am screening my calls so I don't have to talk to people I'm ignoring. If you're not sure if I'm ignoring you or not, leave your name and message. If I return your call, then I'm obviously not ignoring you.....yet"

"Look here pilgrim! Just cuz this here is an answering machine don't mean you can hang up now. You called for a reason, so after the tone leave your message so that I can know why you called. I'm not telepathic yet and cannot know why you called if you hang up on the answering machine, which is as close to reaching on incomming calls as you're going to get"

That's all I can remember right now.

Peace Out

-Gimp

CapJaneway · Post by **CapJaneway** » Mon May 09, 2005 8:03 am

funny gimp!
my faverite is:

We R The Borg.We r not home right now but leave your name and number and prepare to be assimaliated. Restince is Futile! U must Comply!

The Top Crusader · Post by **The Top Crusader** » Mon May 09, 2005 9:25 am

gimp80995 wrote:
"Hello? hello? (like you would if you picked up the phone and did't hear anyone) Oh, wait, I ain't here. Leave your message after the tone"

... yeah, mine has been similar to that ever since I've got my phone... but I'm probably due for a change...

*goes to steal jessicado's ideas*

Jonathan · Post by **Jonathan** » Mon May 09, 2005 9:47 am

I voted for that first one. And if none of those work, you can always do one of Wooton's.

-Jonathan

Manda · Post by **Manda** » Mon May 09, 2005 9:49 am

Jonathan wrote:I voted for that first one. And if none of those work, you can always do one of Wooton's.

-Jonathan

Me too. What was Wooton's again? I remember it was funny but nothing more...

Sonuna · Post by **Sonuna** » Mon May 09, 2005 10:29 am

...When I get a cell, I am completely going to use the fifth one. >_>

Christian Cowgirl · Post by **Christian Cowgirl** » Mon May 09, 2005 10:34 am

*Votes for the last one*

Ruthie · Post by **Ruthie** » Mon May 09, 2005 10:57 am

Princess Bride $\:D/$

Post by **Catspaw** » Mon May 09, 2005 11:02 am

I love all of them! I voted for the blackmail one, but the Princess Bride one would be a close second! The only problem is that some people might not be sure that it was you, but that might just add to the fun! $\:D/$

Jessicado · Post by **Jessicado** » Mon May 09, 2005 12:06 pm

Yeah--I actually had the Princess Bride one for a few hours until my mom called and gave me a hard time and said that no one would know it was me and why would I say I wanted to kill someone? I would have still left it, but she did raise a good point that at that particular time I had given out my cell number to a few business contacts for work and should probably be a little more professional. She hates all of my messages......however--no business contacts now!

I've actually had a couple of those Gimp! The telepathic one and the Hello? one.

My fave one was my very first one: it was like you've reached jessica.... please leave your name, number, why a you are calling, credit card number and expiration date, bank account information, mother's maiden name, social security number.....you get the point. I got a lot of fun messages from that one.

Another fave was:
Welcome to Jessica's Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

I think that is actually my fave, but I didn't keep it even long enough for anyone to call, because it was so long and also because I didn't want to offend anyone......

Oh, and I had some Mafia one that was like Shh! Don't say anything! Meet me at the corner of Broadway and Main in half an hour, and bring the girl.....

And one where I hypnotized the person into leaving a message.

Right now it is just something boring like "You've reached Jessica. If you have bad news, leave it now. Otherwise, wait until after the beep. That's why I need a new one...people have been calling me and telling my my message just isn't as funny as my usualy standards.....

Jonathan · Post by **Jonathan** » Mon May 09, 2005 12:17 pm

A funny one I remember-a friend of mine had a answering machine that needed to have a new message recorded everytime the messages were erased, and it hardly had any memory. One night, their dad had to record a new message, but he was really tired, so with his kids laughing in the background it went something like this:

"Hi. You've reached...cipera's at...8..1..8..4. leave message...and we'll *beep*

I couldn't leave a message b/c by that point I was laughing too hard.

-Jonathan

Evil Chick · Post by **Evil Chick** » Mon May 09, 2005 12:44 pm

Monday wrote:
Jonathan wrote:I voted for that first one. And if none of those work, you can always do one of Wooton's.

-Jonathan
Me too. What was Wooton's again? I remember it was funny but nothing more...

Here is Wooton's:

Wooton’s Answering Machine Message on “Nothing But the Half Truth”
Oh boy, let me try this again. Ok, Answering machine message, take 31: “Hello, you’ve reached Wooton Bassett’s answering machine! I’m home right now making an answering machine message, but I won’t be here when you call. So, if you’ll kindly leave your number, I’ll call you back tonight, or maybe not tonight, cuz I have to take my Christmas tree down off my roof, yes, I know it’s only May, but some of my neighbors are complaining, you know...” *beep* *beep* Oh man, too long again? This is really hard! *ring* *ring* Oh, Hello, you’ve reached Wooton Bassett’s ear. If you’ll kindly say something, then I’ll say something back! *snort* beep

CapJaneway · Post by **CapJaneway** » Mon May 09, 2005 12:57 pm

Evil Chick wrote:
Monday wrote:
Jonathan wrote:I voted for that first one. And if none of those work, you can always do one of Wooton's.

-Jonathan
Me too. What was Wooton's again? I remember it was funny but nothing more...
Here is Wooton's:

Wooton’s Answering Machine Message on “Nothing But the Half Truth”
Oh boy, let me try this again. Ok, Answering machine message, take 31: “Hello, you’ve reached Wooton Bassett’s answering machine! I’m home right now making an answering machine message, but I won’t be here when you call. So, if you’ll kindly leave your number, I’ll call you back tonight, or maybe not tonight, cuz I have to take my Christmas tree down off my roof, yes, I know it’s only May, but some of my neighbors are complaining, you know...” *beep* *beep* Oh man, too long again? This is really hard! *ring* *ring* Oh, Hello, you’ve reached Wooton Bassett’s ear. If you’ll kindly say something, then I’ll say something back! *snort* beep

now thats funny!

Andrea Meltsner · Post by **Andrea Meltsner** » Mon May 09, 2005 2:02 pm

CapJaneway wrote:
Evil Chick wrote:
Monday wrote:
Jonathan wrote:I voted for that first one. And if none of those work, you can always do one of Wooton's.

-Jonathan
Me too. What was Wooton's again? I remember it was funny but nothing more...
Here is Wooton's:

Wooton’s Answering Machine Message on “Nothing But the Half Truth”
Oh boy, let me try this again. Ok, Answering machine message, take 31: “Hello, you’ve reached Wooton Bassett’s answering machine! I’m home right now making an answering machine message, but I won’t be here when you call. So, if you’ll kindly leave your number, I’ll call you back tonight, or maybe not tonight, cuz I have to take my Christmas tree down off my roof, yes, I know it’s only May, but some of my neighbors are complaining, you know...” *beep* *beep* Oh man, too long again? This is really hard! *ring* *ring* Oh, Hello, you’ve reached Wooton Bassett’s ear. If you’ll kindly say something, then I’ll say something back! *snort* beep
now thats funny!

Indeed it is

gimp80995 · Post by **gimp80995** » Mon May 09, 2005 2:30 pm

CapJaneway wrote:
Evil Chick wrote:
Monday wrote:
Jonathan wrote:I voted for that first one. And if none of those work, you can always do one of Wooton's.

-Jonathan
Me too. What was Wooton's again? I remember it was funny but nothing more...
Here is Wooton's:

Wooton’s Answering Machine Message on “Nothing But the Half Truth”
Oh boy, let me try this again. Ok, Answering machine message, take 31: “Hello, you’ve reached Wooton Bassett’s answering machine! I’m home right now making an answering machine message, but I won’t be here when you call. So, if you’ll kindly leave your number, I’ll call you back tonight, or maybe not tonight, cuz I have to take my Christmas tree down off my roof, yes, I know it’s only May, but some of my neighbors are complaining, you know...” *beep* *beep* Oh man, too long again? This is really hard! *ring* *ring* Oh, Hello, you’ve reached Wooton Bassett’s ear. If you’ll kindly say something, then I’ll say something back! *snort* beep
now thats funny!

That sounds like my mom's attempt at setting up a voice mail msg

For the longest time her cell phone's voice mail msg had my voice on it because she couldn't figure out how to record it and set it and ppl would end up hearing her say things on it like "ok....now what button am I suppose to push again?"

Peace Out

-Gimp

Chandler · Post by **Chandler** » Mon May 09, 2005 5:33 pm

You could always try this. "We're all sitting here staring at the phone right now. We're not answering it because it's YOU."

Me · Post by Me » Mon May 09, 2005 7:03 pm

I currently use Mitch's old one on my cell (Me can't pick up the phone right now because he's out on a top secret mission to rid the world of meatless hamburgers).

One that my dad came up with: (indian accent) Hello?..... Please wait while connected to Bombay......

I voted for the first one.

Jessicado · Post by **Jessicado** » Mon May 09, 2005 7:21 pm

Thanks everyone! I just updated my message to the first one......

I actually thought about doing the Mitch one! But I like meatless hamburgers..well come of them. The ones that actaully try to be like meat are gross like Boca Burgers, but the ones that don't try to be like meat (like Veggie Burgers are awesome) andby that point I had put way too much thought into it and figured it wouldn't make a good message........

The Town of Odyssey

Choose my answering machine message!!!!!!

What should I use for my next message?

Choose my answering machine message!!!!!!