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Four Months

PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:06 pm
by 31899
It has been four months and I do not know what to think, do, or say.

31899

Re: Four Months

PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:12 pm
by The Kings Daughter
4 looong months. >.>

I'm finally to the point where if I think about it a while I won't start crying...which is an improvement...I guess.

Actually just a few days ago I was missing her like crazy and praying about it and I just heard God say to me "Let her go." in His still silent voice. Oh Lord I'll try...help me. I can't keep her here by holding on to memories...I just need to accept that she's..well, away now. For good. Until that day.


How are you rest of you all doing?

Re: Four Months

PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:07 pm
by SoccerLOTR
eh...I'm good so long as I don't see a post of hers...at which point I always realize how much I miss her comments on everything. And how much I wish I could just have her back for the occasional thought here and there. I still can't help but question why...if anyone should have lived, it was her. But...I don't know everything. I can't see the big picture. :cry: I just have to trust that God knows what He is doing.

Re: Four Months

PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:56 pm
by The Kings Daughter
SoccerLOTR wrote:I still can't help but question why...if anyone should have lived, it was her. But...I don't know everything. I can't see the big picture. :cry: I just have to trust that God knows what He is doing.

See, this is what I was thinking at first...but then God kind of gave me a different angle on it. If anyone deserved to skip the endless trials of this life, the stress, the constant pain she dealt with, the depression and worry. And just skip straight to being WITH GOD in paradise, it was her.. :')

Re: Four Months

PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 11:03 pm
by SoccerLOTR
The Kings Daughter wrote:
SoccerLOTR wrote:I still can't help but question why...if anyone should have lived, it was her. But...I don't know everything. I can't see the big picture. :cry: I just have to trust that God knows what He is doing.

See, this is what I was thinking at first...but then God kind of gave me a different angle on it. If anyone deserved to skip the endless trials of this life, the stress, the constant pain she dealt with, the depression and worry. And just skip straight to being WITH GOD in paradise, it was her.. :')

Also true. I wish we could have it both ways...but that's not how life works. Thanks for the different perspective.

Re: Four Months

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 6:14 am
by Marvin D.
About a week or so ago, I went back to read through the thread about her, just to remember, and I ended up crying :| Normally, when I find a post, or see that Google recommends I add Chaos Forever to my emails, I think about her, but otherwise, it'll just be something I carry in the back of my mind. All I have to do is remember that where she is is better than we can even imagine.

Now, having cried today, I can cry again :-

Re: Four Months

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 6:41 pm
by Musical Shutterbug
I try not to think about it. It brings all of the memories back, and that's what makes me cry.

Re: Four Months

PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 8:41 pm
by Steve
I'm apparently a slow griever. I think I'm still in the denial stage. The thought: "This could not possibly have happened." keeps crossing my mind. I was reminded of it tonight when I drove past a town called "Gilbertville." It's so weird. I mean, I know it happened, but it feels like it didn't. How is this possible? I should still be crying every time I get on here. But why don't I? Part of me thinks that my brain has simply pushed all of it out. That's it. My brain has decided that too many people in the world die, and therefore, I shouldn't think about it. But somehow, I override my brain enough to the point that in the back of my brain, I know this happened. And then I keep pushing and I know that I shouldn't ignore death. I was watching Star Wars earlier, and every time a clone or somebody died, I felt sad. I never felt like that before four months ago...

Anyway, that was really long and you probable didn't read it, but that's how it is for me right now.

Re: Four Months

PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 9:52 pm
by SoccerLOTR
Nope...I read it, and it wasn't that long. Makes sense...Sometimes i just try to avoid the thought as well...

Before 4 months ago I rarely got scared or teary-eyed at hearing about big accidents...now my heart jumps (not for joy) when I hear about an accident that killed someone...especially if it involved a truck. I can't get over how fast it happened...and a scene starts replaying in my mind of an 18 wheeler hitting a car and what if it hits someone I'm close to in real life...I never used to think about that before :(

Re: Four Months

PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:58 am
by American Eagle
SoccerLOTR wrote:Before 4 months ago I rarely got scared or teary-eyed at hearing about big accidents...now my heart jumps (not for joy) when I hear about an accident that killed someone...especially if it involved a truck. I can't get over how fast it happened...and a scene starts replaying in my mind of an 18 wheeler hitting a car and what if it hits someone I'm close to in real life...I never used to think about that before :(

I'm the same way; I guess I've always been frightened by fast vehicles, but even moreso now. We had to pull over to the side of the highway this afternoon, and every semi-truck that passed us scared me. Poor Lisa and her friend... what a tragic day.

I'm sorry to be contrary, but I think I've "moved on". I still miss her, obviously, but it doesn't tear me up like it used to. The phrase, "Rest in Jesus, sis" really helps me... she's safe in the arms of our Father. Happy. At peace. Waiting for us. :)

Re: Four Months

PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 6:56 pm
by DanP740
I was at camp during this milestone. During summer camp I have a habit of drawing Sharpie tattoos on my arms, with usually a Stryper logo on my left arm, but on Monday I forwent that and wrote "StrongNChrist 1991-2011".