Five Months

[Officer David Harley]

31899 asked me to post this for him:

It has been five months but the wound still feels just days old. This past week I have almost been dreading the twenty-fifth. I feel like I'm making the same mistakes I made with SnC all over again, but with other people, but this time I know I'm doing it. How quickly I forget the hard lessons learned that I wish never to forget.

31899

Officer David Harley

[SoccerLOTR]

I agree...word for word. I feel like I just don't know how to change things...and sometimes I wonder if I do at all want to because of how hard it is. I know that's wrong, but...yeah, it's still sometimes hard to take.

[Musical Shutterbug]

I still think of her constantly. These anniversaries are so terrible. All of the lovely memories come back, and it makes me so upset...the tears don't stop falling.

I always remember to say a special prayer for her family each month. Honestly, think of how much we loved and admired Lisa and compare that with the love that her family had for her. Think of the pain that they must feel on these days.

[The Kings Daughter]

It has been five months but the wound still feels just days old. This past week I have almost been dreading the twenty-fifth.

31899

This....I thought I was the only one who still felt that way.

Part of me is just selfish, loving her company so much I just wish we could have her back...I now treasure every minute I spent with her....I just wish I could have said thank you. Now it'll have to wait.

[SoccerLOTR]

Particularly when I think of SnC or car accidents in general, I suddenly feel the need to tell people what they mean or what I think of them or even just some profound thank you...it's frustrating because A. I don't feel like I have good words to express it all, and B. because I worry about the results of stating these thoughts. I've never been one for sharing personal thoughts, so it is such a big unknown for me...I just want to say something in case it's the last time I talk to them--either something happens to me or to them. But especially for people I haven't known for long, I don't know how to express anything to them. It's weird and frustrating, regretting the past but trying to learn from it...yet not feeling like I'm able to. Dunno. I miss her though for sure.

[snubs]

Particularly when I think of SnC or car accidents in general, I suddenly feel the need to tell people what they mean or what I think of them or even just some profound thank you...it's frustrating because A. I don't feel like I have good words to express it all, and B. because I worry about the results of stating these thoughts. I've never been one for sharing personal thoughts, so it is such a big unknown for me...I just want to say something in case it's the last time I talk to them--either something happens to me or to them. But especially for people I haven't known for long, I don't know how to express anything to them. It's weird and frustrating, regretting the past but trying to learn from it...yet not feeling like I'm able to. Dunno. I miss her though for sure.

I am the same way. Ever since I heard about SnC, I wanted to tell the people I know just how much I care about them all the more...but. I'm not good at expressing my feelings/emotions toward others. And what makes it really hard is, I consider myself to be a very compassionate person - who desires to share/show my love and feelings with others. Like SoccerLOTR said, I guess I worry about the outcome of sharing my feelings. Or maybe I'm afraid of being criticized, or I fear what people might think. I know it's terrible, but I'm very self conscious. It's also very frustrating that I don't feel free to express myself in the way that I want. It pains me too.