The THUN Newspaper, December Edtion Section A

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The THUN Newspaper, December Edtion Section A

Postby Abigail » Sun Dec 17, 2006 4:47 pm

The Homeschoolers Union Newspaper December Edtion, Section A

Global Reports, By Elizabeth Doyle and Christmas Joy

Merry Christmas!
by Elizabeth Doyle

With the holidays coming, Santapaw, aka "Shadowpaw,"has changed the format of the board to Christmas. Along with the format changing, avatars will be having Santa hats on. Go over to the new temporary forum, ToO Christmas Board 2006, and join in a snowball fight, talk about your favorite Christmas songs, post a picture of your decorated Christmas tree, and much more to come. Have fun, and have a very Merry Christmas!

Monday's with Trent
by Elizabeth Doyle

Some of you have noticed signatures saying "Monday's with Trent."
No, Monday is not dating Trent, it's their new radio show. To listen to the show, just subscribe to the KYDS radio faction. There, you can submit questions for Monday, Trent, or Shadowpaw and listen to archived broadcasts. Happy listening!

Odyssey 105 Rundown:
by Elizabeth Doyle

Join the Odyssey Gallows contest, and win money prizes when you correctly guess phrases, in this online "Hangman."

Have fun with the contests!

Hey, Christmas Joy here, letting you know what’s going on.

Harlequin Theater

The place where you can talk about the latest movie, CD or TV show. Come on and join us!
R2D2, Luke, the emperor...find out who your most like by taking the Star Wars Character quiz at the Harlequin Theater.

Television Shows
What TV show did you last see? Was It AFV? Law and Order? Or A cartoon? Do tell all at The Harlequin Theater

Do You Like Screamo? Where the band screams at every minute? Voice your opinion at the Harlequin Theater

Name Changes
In case you’re wondering who is who in this Christmas season, here is a complete list

Mistletoe is JF
Frosty the Snowman is David O
Santapaw is Shadowpaw (he changed his own name)
Mrs. Claus is Catspaw
Donner is Top
Dasher is Me
Holly is Itaque
Blitzen is Sonuna
Cupid is Hawk
Comet is CoT
Rudolph is Mr.whit
Little Drummer Boy is Trinarius
Bumble is STRYPER
Vixen is Aelwyn
Ivy is Darcie
Prancer is Applesauce
Cindy Lou Who is Arem (she changed her own name)
Fenrir Lunaedge is UltimaZero
Snowflake is Pink Jeans 92
Ebenezer Scrooge is Tyrell
The nutcracker is Dr. Watson
Clarice is Andrea (not her toO name)
Bob Cratchit is Agent Robert Mitchell
Tiny Tim is Bradley Doyle
Sugar Plum Fairy is Laura Ingles
Silver bells is Evil chick
Christmas Joy is Lucy Cunningham Shultz

The Steps of City Hall

Promotion Request thread

Have any or all of the degrees?
Need a Higher paying job that isn’t available?
Go to the steps and click on Promotion Request thread!

Hillingdale Havens new Padded Room!!

Where you can post anything you want, and get away with it!! **Post count is not enabled in here**

Jokes and Comics
By Birdie

When you're swimming for your life ,with a friend, and a shark is chasing you, who do you need to be faster than?

Your friend!

MAN: Doc! Help! My hair is falling out! I need something to keep it in!
DOCTOR: How about a paper bag.

There once was a redhead, brunette, and a blond and a truthtelling chair. If you sat in the chair and told a lie a large anvil would drop on top of you. Well, all of the girls walked out to sit in the chair and each made a different statement. The redhead said,
"I think I'm pretty..."
And that was correct so she didn't get crushed. The brunette did the same thing but said,

"I think Cheetos are delicious!"

And that was correct and she walked away. Finally the blond sat in the chair and said,

"I think..."

And no sooner said than done an anvil smushed her.


There once was a blonde who walked across the road and got run over by a bike. So she went to the hospital and the doc asked her,
"So where does it hurt?"
The blonde took her finger and said, "It hurts here, here, and here...." As she poked every part of her body. Then they took and x-ray of her body. The doc looked at the x-ray and asked her to tell him where it hurt. She did the same procedure of poking here body. The doc then smacked his forehead and said,
"I have the solution! Your finger is broken."


By Lord_Kappa

1 Samuel 16:7

But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."[/qupte]

Imagine for a moment that you have come before God on the judgment seat, and this is what He says. "Like, why should I, like, let you into heaven?"

And you reply, "Well, You died on the cross for me, and I believed in You and Your word which says I will be saved." (You're really nervous)
And this is God's reply, "Like, do you remember Friday, October 13, 2006? I know, it's supposed to be, like, a scary day and all, but like, did you have to dress to match the day? Your outfit was, like, scary. I blessed you with an abundance of colors and different cloth, and you totally wore the most horrid thing you could have chosen to wear, you're totally not getting into heaven."
And as you stand there flabbergasted you hear God and some of his angels talking about their nails.

What if God was like that? 1 Samuel 16:7 shows us that God is not concerned with the outward appearance; He cares about your heart.

If you ever feel like your heart is heavy you can remember [url=;]Philemon 20[url]

Yes, brother, let me have joy from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in the Lord.

Paul says that we can refresh our hearts in the Lord, and that we can have joy in our hearts from our brothers and the Lord. When you are feeling heavy hearted you can rely on the Lord and your Christian brothers and sisters to refresh you.

Part One
By Lord_Kappa

Alex was sitting on his bed staring ahead. In his hands was a plastic pad with blue and grey buttons on it. The television he was staring at had a pair of apes running around and jumping up and down. Alex was engrossed.
“Alex.” His mom called from downstairs.
“Yeah?” He called back.
“I’m going to meet your dad; he locked his keys in his car. I have to pick him up from work and we will be going to the store to do some shopping. You’re in charge while I’m away.” His mom explained, she waited to see if he would have a reaction. Alex pressed a button on the controller again and the monkey landed on a crocodile, “Sarah is asleep in my room, and the boys aren’t going to be home until a little after 5:30. I need you to make ravioli for dinner and I’m expecting a package sometime, you’ll have to sign for it. Be very careful with the package, it’s fragile.” His mom laid out the bad news.
Alex sighed; being the eldest in a family of four usually had him getting stuck with these jobs. When Sarah, his baby sister, cried for something it was usually him who got it for her. His dad worked from 4:30 in the morning to about 5:30 or 6:00 in the evening, it was a horrible job for him, working at the factory, and he was tired every time he got home. His two younger brothers, twins, tried their best to bother him any time they got the chance. And his mom was usually doing something for the community, helping the church, the school, or doing government work, she had been elected to the city council for the second election in a row.
Alex was proud of his mom, and he loved his dad, he could stand his three siblings. God was in their family, and it was good.
“I’m going now Alex, please make sure you can hear if Sarah starts crying, and check on her every so often to make sure she’s not dead, okay?” His mom yelled up the stairs again.
“Okay mom.” Alex replied.
He heard the door open and then slam shut. The cold winter air had little chance to blow into the already chilly house, the heat wasn’t working right, and the repair man was due at there house two days ago.
Alex sighed as the monkey slid down an incline and plopped into the lava, he reached over and turned off the Nintendo and marched down the stairs.
The stairs reached the living room and he saw his mother’s car drive down the street towards his dads work. He shuffled across the carpet and into the kitchen. It was calm and quiet, but there on the stove was a can of ravioli and a note that said, “Set stove top to medium, stir continually in a pan. Feed it to your brothers and sister; don’t wait for us to eat. – Love Mom.” Alex reached above the stove and pulled a small pan down from its hook. He looked at the clock above the door to his parent’s room, it was only 4:53. He decided to wait to make the supper. He set the pan on the stove and then went into his parent’s room. His baby sister was sleeping there and Alex stood and watched her for a few seconds, he saw her chest rise and fall as she breathed.
He turned and went back to the living room and looked out the window. The snow on the lawn was almost a foot deep. It had snowed the day before and Alex had spent the morning, his first morning of vacation, shoveling the sidewalks. A boy with a paper bag walked down the sidewalk, swinging a paper back and forth in his gloved hand. Alex shivered; he wouldn’t want to be doing that job today, out in the cold.
A big brown truck pulled up, “UPS” was painted on its side in gold letters. Alex knew it was the package his mom was expecting. The UPS man came up to the door holding a big package, he set it down and then rang the doorbell. Alex opened the door and smiled,
“I have a package for you, I’ll need you to sign.” The UPS man said.
“Alright,” Alex said, took the pen, and signed the electronic pad.
“Thanks, have a good day.” The UPS man said.
“Have a merry Christmas” Alex replied.
The UPS man smiled and nodded, and then ran back to his truck and started it up.
Alex looked at the package, it was big. And it had a big sticker with red letters reminding him that it was “FRAGILE”. He reached up and put the clip on the outside door to hold it open, then he squatted down and tried to lift the package, it was heavier than he expected. He shook his arms and then tried again. He got it off the ground and then tried to turn around, it was too close to the door. He took a step back and slipped off the porch stair. He gasped and grabbed tight at the package, stepping back to balance himself. His foot went cold, he had stepped in the snow. Why didn’t he put his boots on before going outside? Oh well, he was turned around now and could get through the door.
Carefully he entered his living room again, which was chilly from the door being open, he slowly lowered the package down and then quickly shut both the doors. Then he started warming his foot. From across the house his sister started crying. She must have been woken by the cold. He went to her, scraping his foot across the carpet to try and get it warm. He shushed her as he picked her up and started rocking her and patting her back. She wouldn’t stop crying.
“What’s the matter?” Alex asked soothingly.
“WHAAaaaaAAA!” Sarah grew louder.
“Shhh-shh-shhh.” Alex soothed, walking into the kitchen.
“WHHAAAAA!” Sarah screamed.
“Are you hungry?” Alex said, opening the fridge, a bottle of Sarah’s formula from the morning was there; he took it out, with his left hand and closed the door with his cold foot. He then went and set Sarah down in her high chair, she wailed even louder. He tried to feed her the formula, but she refused and continued to scream. Alex rushed back to the fridge and put the formula back in it.
“I guess you’re not hungry.” He mumbled.
“AWAHAAAA!” Sarah shouted at him.
“You’re hurting my ears.” Alex said.
“WWWHAAAAAAAA!” Sarah cried.
“Alright!” Alex said. “What’s the matter?” He picked her up from her high chair again. This time he grabbed her from her bottom. Oh. That’s the matter.
Alex sighed audibly. Sarah looked at him and screamed. He took her into the living room and set her down. He shushed her and then ran to his parent’s room to get a diaper. He rushed back after grabbing one and found her rolled over on her stomach kicking her legs and screaming.
“Hush Sarah, it’s ok.” Alex said, grabbing her waist and turning her over. He quickly worked to change her diaper, groaning at the smell. She didn’t let him get off easy either, and she continued kicking her legs and screaming.
“There, it’s over, there, there, Sarah.” Alex said, picking her up and holding her close, he then gingerly picked up the dirty diaper and took it to the garbage can.
He rocked Sarah gently until she stopped crying. Then he set her down in his parent’s room with some toys, hopefully that would keep her entertained. Alex looked at the clock on his fathers side table, it was almost 5:30. He started going back to the kitchen to make supper but Sarah began to cry again. “Alright, hush.” Alex said and picked her up. He weaved between his parent’s door and then opened the door to their small bathroom. Carefully he washed his hands one by one, holding Sarah with the hand he wasn’t washing. Then he dodged between the doors and went back into the kitchen.
He opened the drawer where the silverware was and looked for a can opener, there was none to be found. He closed the drawer and opened the one with the serving spoons. No can opener there. He tried to open the shelf where the knives were kept, but Sarah weighed his arms down. He walked over to her high chair and set her back down. She began to scream.
“I’m right over here.” Alex tried to sooth as he ran to the shelf. He opened it, but the can opener was not in site. He moved some knives around to see if it was behind them, one knife fell from the shelf and bounced off the counter. Alex jumped back and tried to dodge the knife, it nicked his foot though.
“Ouch!” Alex cried, Sarah stopped screaming and looked at him, mouth open in horror. He bent down, picked up the knife and put it in the sink which was already half full with dishes from lunch. Then he closed the shelf with the knives in it. He looked down at his foot; there was a small dribble of blood running down towards his toes. He opened the medicine cabinet and looked for a band aide, the box was empty. “Who put an empty box back in the cabinet?” Alex asked himself exasperated. Sarah started to cry again. “Oh Sarah, its ok.” Alex said.
He went back to his parents bathroom, Sarah screamed. He quickly got a wet washcloth and washed the blood from his foot, more blood appeared. He washed it again. A little bit of blood appeared this time. He washed it again and held the cloth against it for a while. When he removed it his foot looked fine, he put it in the dirty clothes and went back to Sarah.
“Hush hush hush.” He said. “I’m fine.”
Sarah sniffed and coughed and started to sniffle. At least she wasn’t crying.
Alex went back to the sink and washed his hands. Then he went to open the can of ravioli and get this dinner started. His brothers were playing in the park with their friends all day, and they would be hungry. He picked up the can and then reached for the can opener. Oh wait no can opener. Where could it be?
He went to the sink and searched for it, moving aside plates and cups in his search. He didn’t find it in the sink.
Alex re-opened the silverware drawer and moved more forks and spoons around, it was definitely not in the silverware drawer. Alex went over next to the stove and opened the drawer that held his mothers measuring cups, it might be in there. He started to open in, something stuck. He pulled harder, it flew open and the measuring cup that had caught on the rim of the cabinet flew across the room and clattered across the floor. Sarah laughed.
Alex smiled and retrieved the cup. He put it back in the drawer and looked for the can opener, it wasn’t there.
Alex searched the serving spoon drawer again, it wasn’t in there. Then he returned to the sink. He pulled each dish out one by one. There, at the bottom, he saw the can opener. He quickly sprayed some water in the empty sink and squirted some soap in it. Then he washed the can opener.
He put it on the can of ravioli and squeezed it and started to turn it. The can was open. He poured it into the pan that he had gotten down earlier, nuts, the pan wasn’t big enough. He stopped pouring and grabbed another pan down, a bigger pan this time. He transferred the ravioli from the small pan to the bigger pan, and then poured the rest of the can into it. There were several splats of the red sauce on the stove top, and the sauce ran down Alex’s hand. He licked his hand, rinsed out the can in the empty side of the sink, and put the small pan in the side with soapy water.
Alex tossed the can into the recycling bin. He heard shouting from the front.
Quickly he ran to the living room and looked out the window, his brothers and their friend, Seth, were having a snow-ball fight in the front lawn. Alex opened the door and yelled out at them, “Guys! You’re not supposed to walk in the front lawn!” He reminded them quickly. His mom loved to see the front lawn flat and fresh with snow, she didn’t like it when they tramped through it.
“Oh yeah!” Matt, one of his twins, said. They both ran the longest way across the yard, leaving two lines of feet across it, and came to the sidewalk, spilling snow all over it. “See ya Seth!” Mike, the other twin called.
“See ya M&M!” Seth said and walked on down the sidewalk toward his house a little less than a block away.
“Guys you…” Alex started,
“Hi Alex!” They shouted and ran into the house, leaving clots of snow all over the carpet. “…take your boots off before you go in.” Alex finished uselessly.
He closed the door and then shouted after them, “Take your wet things off and hang them in the bathroom!”
They were gone; he didn’t even know where they went. He looked down at the clots of snow and then he knew where they were. He went back to his parents room, Sarah was crying again, she wanted to be in on the action and hated being confined to her chair. “Guys!” Alex shouted as he rounded the corner to his parents bathroom, the door was wide open, a boot was in the doorway, another boot was being pulled off by Matt while Mike lay on the floor holding his foot out for Matt to get a good grip.
“You know you’re not supposed to use mom and dad’s bathroom!” Alex said.
“Oh yeah!” the twins said, and clomped off to the upstairs bathroom, saying hello to Sarah as they passed. Alex looked at the floor, two hats, a pair of earmuffs, three boots, one sock, and four gloves were left for him, along with piles of snow that fell out of the folds in their coats. He sighed, bent over and put all the clothes in a pile, got a towel, and dried up the wet spots caused by the snow. He grabbed the hats, gloves, boots, earmuffs, and sock and followed his brothers upstairs.
He found them with hair sticking up in various angles, the coats were hanging over the shower curtain rod, and the boot was on the toilet. They were both struggling to get their snow pants off.
“Here.” Alex said dryly, plopping the pile down on the floor. He took Mike’s snow pants by the legs and pulled them off. He did the same to Matt’s. “Thanks Alex!” They said, and ran to their room to get dry socks.
Alex marched back downstairs and into the kitchen, “Hey Sarah, it’s ok, I’m here.” He said to her. She did not appreciate being left alone and let him know it by screaming at him. After she was satisfied that he understood she stopped and began to drool.
Alex shook his head and rolled his eyes. He gave her a measuring cup and she started to suck on it.
Alex got a serving spoon and started to stir the ravioli, it should be getting hot by now. Then he looked at the stove, it wasn’t even on! Alex grumbled and turned the stove to high, he needed this ravioli to be done fast. After the stove warmed up he turned it back down to medium, he didn’t want it to burn, which would be worse than it being late.
Sarah started to bang the measuring cup on her high chair, and Alex flinched each time it hit. She started to sing out in her baby noises to match the percussion of the cup against the high chair.
Alex tested the ravioli, it was getting warmer. Where were his brothers? He wondered.
He went out into the living room and found them looking at the package inquisitively. “What is it Alex?” Matt asked.
“I don’t know, it came for mom. Be careful, it’s fragile and it’s heavy.” Alex said.
“I bet I could lift it.” Mike said and proceeded to try and budge the box.
“No you can’t!” Matt shouted, “But I bet I can.” And Matt also tried to move the box.
“Don’t touch it!” Alex said, “Its mom’s, and she’d eat you both if you broke it.”
“Aww, we’re not gonna break it.” Mike said.
“Yeah, we just wanted to show you how strong we are.” Matt said,
“I’m sure you’re both very strong, but this is too fragile to play with, don’t touch it again.” Alex said.
“Then we don’t have anything to do!” Mike whined.
Alex rolled his eyes and wondered what they had planned to do before they knew the box was there. He sighed and said, “Supper will be ready soon, tell ya what, if you two promise to be good you can play Nintendo until supper is ready.”
“Really?!” Matt said.
“Really.” Alex said.
“Yes!” Mike shouted.
“But you have to promise to be good!” Alex said.
“We will!” The twins replied and raced up the stairs.
“And don’t save over any of my games!” Alex called after them.
Alex smiled; he was glad that he had that one thing to hold over his brothers. The Nintendo and television set upstairs belonged to him, and his parents strictly enforced the “Only if Alex says so” rule about its use.
Alex returned to the ravioli and found that it was starting to bubble a bit. He stirred it around and then tested it. It would need a few more minutes.
Sarah was still singing and banging the measuring cup against the table, Alex joined her in a rousing chorus of what he though was “Row Row Row Your Boat” but Sarah screamed at him until he figured out that it was really “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”
The food was ready, and Alex decided to wait to call his brothers. He would feed Sarah first and then handle the twins later.
As the food cooled in the small bowl Alex went to the window, it was dark out now, and the wind had started to blow fiercely.
Just then the telephone rang shrilly. Alex jumped and ran over to answer it.
“Hello?” He said.
“Hey, Alex?” It was his dad.
“Yeah dad, where are you guys?” Alex asked.
There was a pause on the other end.
“Where’s you’re mother?” His dad asked him.
Alex wondered at this, what a silly question, mom went to pick him up over half an hour ago, it didn’t take that long to get to the factory.
“She went to pick you up.” Alex said. “I though she would have gotten there by now.”
“She didn’t, when did she leave?” His dad asked, his voice very low and slow.
“About half an hour ago.” Alex said.
“She’s not here yet.” His dad said.
Alex was quiet, his dad was quiet.
“Don’t worry about it Alex, I’ll be home soon and so will your mother.” His dad said. “Don’t worry about anything.”
“Ok.” Alex said, he was worried already. His dad’s voice gave away a tone of fear, and Alex was always afraid when his dad was afraid, which was hardly ever.
“I love you Alex.” His father said on the phone.
“I love you too, Dad.” Alex said.
The phone clicked as his dad hung up, and Alex put the phone down blankly. What was he supposed to think? The last time he had heard his dad use that low slow town of voice Alex’s grandmother had died in the hospital. Alex was quick, and he put two and two together, was his mother dying?

To be continued…..

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Postby Taq » Sun Dec 17, 2006 7:11 pm

Since it looks like the submit button was unintentionally clicked twice, this topic will be locked.

Edit: Just kidding since I don't have power here!
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Postby Lord_Kappa » Sun Dec 17, 2006 10:11 pm

Since we've already replied to this one let's keep it open and lock the other one. :D

Good work everyone, especially that Lord_Kappa fellow, excellent work. \:D/

Thanks, Christmas Joy, for that list, it's very helpful. Good jokes Birdie, I love Foxtrot, but what's with all the blonde jokes? :anxious:
“Among the attributes of God, although they are all equal, mercy shines with even more brilliancy than justice.” —Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

By the way, Margaret Sanger, founder of Planned Parenthood, was a racist.
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Postby Catspaw » Mon Dec 18, 2006 12:34 pm

Wow, that was a long edition! It looks like a lot of work was put into it - thanks to everybody who worked so hard! \:D/

I liked all the jokes! :lol: I like blonde jokes, so that didn't bother me like it apparently did Lord_Kappa. ;)

The Alex story was interesting! I look forward to reading the next part! Alex sounds like a very conscientious kid!
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Postby Fei » Wed Dec 20, 2006 11:28 pm

Sorry Kappa! Heh, I wasn't feeling funny that day so I wrote something... blonde I guess...
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Postby Nasri » Thu Feb 08, 2007 4:53 am

i have got cool story if you let me join THUN cool newspaper
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Postby Abigail » Fri Feb 09, 2007 4:24 pm

Rodenyrathbone wrote:i have got cool story if you let me join THUN cool newspaper

You can apply in the HSU Newspaper subfaction.

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