To date, or not to date?

[Joanne]

What is your opinion on dating? Do you date, court, do arranged marriage, or any other practice?

My family does courting, but I just like to call it dating with a purpose. I'm not allowed to date around, or even date until I'm older.

What do you do?

(If this should be somewhere else or if there is already a topic like this mods feel free to lock or move. )

[Steve]

I don't date yet, and, like, no way will I date around. But, really, I think dating is fine. But you should be friends first. Then it's not weird and awkward the whole time.

And, oh yeah, middle schoolers should never date. It's just...stupid. When your curfew is 6 PM, you're not going to be impressing anybody.

[EMBEE]

My family courts. But I won't be doing that for several years.

[The Top Crusader]

People define "court" and "date" different ways... the more "courtship" rules I have heard of, I generally do not agree with fully, and generally, the definition that those same people ascribe to "dating"... I also disagree with.

Looking at courtship as "Dating with purpose" is basically what I'd, in a nutshell, agree with... but I'd call that dating, not courtship.

Anyway, I never courted and only dated and I think I have ended up perfectly in God's will and have no regrets.

[Joanne]

People define "court" and "date" different ways... the more "courtship" rules I have heard of, I generally do not agree with fully, and generally, the definition that those same people ascribe to "dating"... I also disagree with.

Looking at courtship as "Dating with purpose" is basically what I'd, in a nutshell, agree with... but I'd call that dating, not courtship.

Anyway, I never courted and only dated and I think I have ended up perfectly in God's will and have no regrets.

haha Top I know what you mean. Many people define it many ways so sometimes it's better just to say date. I don't think it's sinful to date, and God can defiantly work through it, my family just does it a bit more... I guess strict.

[King Butter Turtle]

My family does courting

My family courts.

I see it as more of a personal thing than a family thing. I mean, ya, you should respect your family's opinions but, if you meet a guy/girl, are you gonna be like, "well, your family dates and my family courts so, I guess we can't see each other even though we're in love"? Also, since I don't believe you should do either until you're ready to get married (which is probably going to include having graduated from high school, having moved out from your parents and being out on your own), it doesn't matter as much. (again, you should still respect them, of course, but, if you have fundamental differences in viewpoints, you can make your own decisions)

As for weather it should be called 'dating' or 'courting', I think it's really just a word game, for the most part. Sometimes, one person will say that only 'dating' is acceptable and another will say that only 'courting' is acceptable, when they really pretty much agree. Anyway, whatever you want to call it, I think it should look something like this;

*both people are at a point in their life where the only thing keeping them from marriage is the lack of a (potential) spouse*
Dude: "Hey, I like you."
Chick: "Hey, I like you, too."
Dude: Sweet!
Dude: "So, let's like hang out more and talk and pray about marriage and stuff."
Chick: "That sounds great!"
*dude and chick talk on phone*
*dude messes up*
*chick forgives him*
Dude: "Will you marry me?"
Chick: "Yes!"
Dude:
Pastor: "You may kiss the bride."
Pastor: "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Family/Friends/Congregation: *applauds*
*Everyone goes to celebrate. There's cake , dancing , and toasts made by poor public speakers. Then, everybody goes home and the couple lives happily ever after. *

Note the lack of mini-golf dates, pre-marital sex and divorce. If everyone would just do it my way, life would be so much awesome-er!

[Joanne]

haha KBT that was great.

I agree dating/courting is vague. I know some might think if you are in love you should date no matter what your family says, but I also think you should honor your parents authority and God will bless that. Not that that is the rule to all circumstances, but I would rather take things slowly than rush into it because I'm "in love", dishonor my parents and then have it not work out...

[SoccerLOTR]

People define "court" and "date" different ways... the more "courtship" rules I have heard of, I generally do not agree with fully, and generally, the definition that those same people ascribe to "dating"... I also disagree with.

Looking at courtship as "Dating with purpose" is basically what I'd, in a nutshell, agree with... but I'd call that dating, not courtship.

Anyway, I never courted and only dated and I think I have ended up perfectly in God's will and have no regrets.

I agree...you can't judge by the mere word that is used. There are different definitions to both courting and dating, and some of the definitions are basically the same. Middle schoolers dating is ridiculous and I hate that that's happening now (seriously, what ever happened to just enjoying the time of being that age and having FRIENDS and not crazy emotional drama?)...You should wait until you're ready to seriously consider getting married before you get into a relationship. Until then, enjoy your friendships!

[Joanne]

So I guess what I am asking is what do YOU do. Not a debate on what to call it, just wondering what the views of fellow ToOers are on this subject.

[SoccerLOTR]

well, for a simple answer..."date selectively with a purpose".

[The Top Crusader]

My wife doesn't let me date anymore.

[Joanne]

My wife doesn't let me date anymore.

haha I'm sorry Top. That must be a real burden for you.

[Lee]

My family does courting

My family courts.

I see it as more of a personal thing than a family thing. I mean, ya, you should respect your family's opinions but, if you meet a guy/girl, are you gonna be like, "well, your family dates and my family courts so, I guess we can't see each other even though we're in love"? Also, since I don't believe you should do either until you're ready to get married (which is probably going to include having graduated from high school, having moved out from your parents and being out on your own), it doesn't matter as much. (again, you should still respect them, of course, but, if you have fundamental differences in viewpoints, you can make your own decisions)

As for weather it should be called 'dating' or 'courting', I think it's really just a word game, for the most part. Sometimes, one person will say that only 'dating' is acceptable and another will say that only 'courting' is acceptable, when they really pretty much agree. Anyway, whatever you want to call it, I think it should look something like this;

*both people are at a point in their life where the only thing keeping them from marriage is the lack of a (potential) spouse*
Dude: "Hey, I like you."
Chick: "Hey, I like you, too."
Dude: Sweet!
Dude: "So, let's like hang out more and talk and pray about marriage and stuff."
Chick: "That sounds great!"
*dude and chick talk on phone*
*dude messes up*
*chick forgives him*
Dude: "Will you marry me?"
Chick: "Yes!"
Dude:
Pastor: "You may kiss the bride."
Pastor: "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Family/Friends/Congregation: *applauds*
*Everyone goes to celebrate. There's cake , dancing , and toasts made by poor public speakers. Then, everybody goes home and the couple lives happily ever after. *

Note the lack of mini-golf dates, pre-marital sex and divorce. If everyone would just do it my way, life would be so much awesome-er!

Totally awesome.

My definition of courting (I guess we date... my parents dated anyway.) is you don't even see the person (as in going out with them) until you're sure you could provide for her in the event you'd get married. Then again... I might be way off the wall about that.

[SoccerLOTR]

My wife doesn't let me date anymore.

Lol, how tragic!

[DanP740]

Pastor: "You may kiss the bride."
Pastor: "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Isn't it usually the other way around?

[Josef1004]

My family does courting

My family courts.

I see it as more of a personal thing than a family thing. I mean, ya, you should respect your family's opinions but, if you meet a guy/girl, are you gonna be like, "well, your family dates and my family courts so, I guess we can't see each other even though we're in love"? Also, since I don't believe you should do either until you're ready to get married (which is probably going to include having graduated from high school, having moved out from your parents and being out on your own), it doesn't matter as much. (again, you should still respect them, of course, but, if you have fundamental differences in viewpoints, you can make your own decisions)

As for weather it should be called 'dating' or 'courting', I think it's really just a word game, for the most part. Sometimes, one person will say that only 'dating' is acceptable and another will say that only 'courting' is acceptable, when they really pretty much agree. Anyway, whatever you want to call it, I think it should look something like this;

*both people are at a point in their life where the only thing keeping them from marriage is the lack of a (potential) spouse*
Dude: "Hey, I like you."
Chick: "Hey, I like you, too."
Dude: Sweet!
Dude: "So, let's like hang out more and talk and pray about marriage and stuff."
Chick: "That sounds great!"
*dude and chick talk on phone*
*dude messes up*
*chick forgives him*
Dude: "Will you marry me?"
Chick: "Yes!"
Dude:
Pastor: "You may kiss the bride."
Pastor: "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Family/Friends/Congregation: *applauds*
*Everyone goes to celebrate. There's cake , dancing , and toasts made by poor public speakers. Then, everybody goes home and the couple lives happily ever after. *

Note the lack of mini-golf dates, pre-marital sex and divorce. If everyone would just do it my way, life would be so much awesome-er!

Well, don't forget that they have a bunch of little bouncing, smiley-faced babies:

[The Top Crusader]

But ANYWAY back on topic, while the definition can vary, I disagree with a lot of "Courtship Rules" I have heard because they are overly intrusive. Such as the family decides a couple will court without much input from the couple, a family member from one (or both!) members of the couple must be present with them at ALL TIMES, etc... Thus this is why by default I advocate dating. Dating can be done wrong but it doesn't have arbitrary rules like courting does and is open to a godly interpretation.

[Amethystic]

Who needs dating when you have Facebook stalking?

[Sapphire]

Personally, I believe that you should become friends with someone first. When you realize that you have become more than friends, pray about it and talk to each other. I would also seek advice from godly people. If you feel like it is God's will for you to be together, then I would start to date. That is my personal opinion, but I respect the opinions of others.

[Mimi]

My family believes in a sort of courtship i guess.
I'm not gonna see anyone 'til I'm considering marriage. And then a parent will probably pray about someone and introduce me. Then I'd see them with someone else around. Theoretically.