To date, or not to date?

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King Butter Turtle
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Post by King Butter Turtle »

Jelly wrote:sheesh, if your parents have to decide when and who you should date, then you're clearly not independent or responsible enough to date anyways. :noway:
Very well put! =D>

It's not up to your parents to decide when you're mature enough to date. It's just not. That gives too much say to your parents and means you're not really independent, mature or... ready to date. :anxious:
Last edited by King Butter Turtle on Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Dr. Watson »

Yeah, our parents know less than us awesome 20-somethings when it comes to maturity.
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ric
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Post by ric »

Dr. Watson wrote:Yeah, our parents know less than us awesome 20-somethings when it comes to maturity.
Thank you. \:D/

If you're under 18, and still living under your parents roof, last time I checked, it is up to them to decide whether you're mature enough to date or not. :anxious:
Jelly wrote:sheesh, if your parents have to decide when and who you should date, then you're clearly not independent or responsible enough to date anyways. :noway:
Your logic is severely flawed. The point is, if you're not responsible enough to date, it's your parent's job to point that out to you. It's not like if you're not responsible enough you're automatically going to say, "I probably shouldn't be dating." In fact, rushing into dating recklessly shows a lack of responsibility itself.

I do agree that parents shouldn't be telling you 'who' to date, though.
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Post by Amethystic »

I'd rather meet someone myself and then get a parent's opinion, not have them meet someone for me. And I wouldn't want to be 'monitored' by someone every time I see them--I can be left alone in a public place with other people without getting into trouble, so as long as I wasn't alone alone with them I shouldn't get in over my head.
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Post by King Butter Turtle »

Dr. Watson wrote:Yeah, our parents know less than us awesome 20-somethings when it comes to maturity.
As ironically immature as this might sound, I think your sarcastic comment is very correct. Don't you know more about yourself than anyone else? :anxious:
ric wrote:If you're under 18, and still living under your parents roof, last time I checked, it is up to them to decide whether you're mature enough to date or not. :anxious:
Well, if you're still living under your parents roof, then that's a little different. But, I don't think anyone is mature enough to date when they're under 18. When you're a teenager, you're still trying to figure out your own identity; you're trying to figure out who you are and what you believe. Wouldn't dating before you figure all that stuff out be, uh... problematic. :anxious: How can you know what to look for in a potential mate when you don't even know where you're headed in life?
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Post by ric »

Amethystic wrote:I'd rather meet someone myself and then get a parent's opinion, not have them meet someone for me. And I wouldn't want to be 'monitored' by someone every time I see them--I can be left alone in a public place with other people without getting into trouble, so as long as I wasn't alone alone with them I shouldn't get in over my head.
I agree with that statement.
King Butter Turtle wrote:Well, if you're still living under your parents roof, then that's a little different. But, I don't think anyone is mature enough to date when they're under 18. When you're a teenager, you're still trying to figure out your own identity; you're trying to figure out who you are and what you believe. Wouldn't dating before you figure all that stuff out be, uh... problematic. :anxious: How can you know what to look for in a potential mate when you don't even know where you're headed in life?
I agree with that.
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Post by Amethystic »

Though I'm sure there are some teenagers who have a very clear idea of what they want out of life spiritually and relationally. Still, they would be exceptions, not the norm.
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Post by SoccerLOTR »

Amethystic wrote:Though I'm sure there are some teenagers who have a very clear idea of what they want out of life spiritually and relationally. Still, they would be exceptions, not the norm.
Yeah, I think it depends on the person. I have a friend who got married right after she turned 18, and another who got engaged at age 18...so I wouldn't say NEVER, but I don't think it is super common. If someone really believes that they are mature enough to decide what they want in life, AND their parents agree, then I'd say it's ok to start dating at maybe 16--but in your teens I really think you should have your parents' approval before you date, because they can judge maturity level and tell if their child is responsible enough to handle a relationship. But I don't generally approve of a lot of teen dating, because it usually doesn't work out. And if you're counting down the days until your parents say you can date (say, at age 16 i think is fairly common), I don't know if you're really mature enough for it yet, because that's almost just dating for the sake of dating, rather than because you have met someone that you can see yourself with in the long-term future. :-k
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Post by The Top Crusader »

Eh, I can think of very few cases where I would really approve of dating before 18/out of high school... simply because in general the focus should be on... school... and also on friends, not ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS. Not that its wrong to have friends of the opposite gender that may amount to something later, but it shouldn't be the focus. Although I have friends who were dating their current spouse through all or most of high school and it all seemed to work out okay. ;)

And at any age its good to have parental advice, but if some kid moves to the other side of the country I don't think he has to call his mom up and ask if he has permission to date when he's 35 years old or something. ;)
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Post by jelly »

Ya, I think there's a difference between your parents telling you when you can or can't date, or merely giving you advise. When I was like 14, this girl and I started hanging out a lot, and eventually decided to start 'dating'. \:D/ My parents, of course, didn't approve... mostly because the fact that I was 'dating' at 14 was ridiculous. My dad threatened to 'talk to her parents'. I'm pretty sure I threw a temper tantrum and became all depressed.. and eventually my parents just decided to leave it alone. Later, of course, she 'dumped' me, and I get the privilege of looking back at that year as one of the most ridiculous times of my life.

So sure, my parents didn't approve, but for them to say that I had to stop seeing this girl wouldn't have worked... I was completely lost in the feelings of being in a relationship, and if they decided to lock me in my room or whatever I would have rebelled and probably done some REALLY stupid things. ;) Their best course of action really was to just let it play out, and let me learn from my own experience. Which I did. ;)

If you've ever been captured by those emotional feelings, you know full well that you're probably going to ignore anything your parents say, because you're blinded to anything else. So for them to take forceful measures wouldn't help anything. The best thing they can do is keep giving you advise, and after it all wears off you can thank them, because of course they were right. ;)
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Post by Anna><> »

Boys have cooties. Enough said.
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Post by King Butter Turtle »

Ayralee wrote:Boys have cooties. Enough said.
lol- as appealingly simple as that sounds, it kind of sucks for... well, boys. ;)
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Post by Amethystic »

Ayralee wrote:Boys have cooties. Enough said.
:highfive: That they do.
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Post by Dr. Watson »

King Butter Turtle wrote:
Dr. Watson wrote:Yeah, our parents know less than us awesome 20-somethings when it comes to maturity.
As ironically immature as this might sound, I think your sarcastic comment is very correct. Don't you know more about yourself than anyone else? :anxious:
I think young people can be the least objective when it comes to judging their own maturity. ;)
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Post by King Butter Turtle »

Dr. Watson wrote:
King Butter Turtle wrote:
Dr. Watson wrote:Yeah, our parents know less than us awesome 20-somethings when it comes to maturity.
As ironically immature as this might sound, I think your sarcastic comment is very correct. Don't you know more about yourself than anyone else? :anxious:
I think young people can be the least objective when it comes to judging their own maturity. ;)
Well, ya.

...but, I'm so mature, I'm the exception. ;)
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Post by Dr. Watson »

King Butter Turtle wrote:
Dr. Watson wrote:
King Butter Turtle wrote:
Dr. Watson wrote:Yeah, our parents know less than us awesome 20-somethings when it comes to maturity.
As ironically immature as this might sound, I think your sarcastic comment is very correct. Don't you know more about yourself than anyone else? :anxious:
I think young people can be the least objective when it comes to judging their own maturity. ;)
Well, ya.

...but, I'm so mature, I'm the exception. ;)
Well naturally. ;)


No, in reality, I think it is a good thing for teens/young adults and parents to communicate with each other and talk extensively about their maturity and the maturity of prospective partners. From a personal note, over the years I've talked with my dad about my strengths, weaknesses, things I need to work on, etc. And we've talked about girls too. :) This is a healthy thing, not an oppressive one.

Of course, if a parent is absent/uninvolved it can be quite difficult, but I think feedback and counsel from parents is something crucial in the process of finding a suitable spouse. :)
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Post by Amethystic »

Yeah, and again, not all parents are very in sync with their kids, but my parents have always been very godly and involved in my life, so I will definitely be consulting them when I am older for their opinion on these things. :yes: My decision will ultimately be between me and God, but it's always good to seek wise counsel.
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Post by jasonjannajerryjohn »

Ayralee wrote:Boys have cooties. Enough said.
If there was a "like" button, I would have liked that.
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Post by Christian A. »

jasonjannajerryjohn wrote:
Ayralee wrote:Boys have cooties. Enough said.
If there was a "like" button, I would have liked that.
Yeah, you like that, but does anyone even know what cooties are? We always throw that around, but why is it that boys have cooties and girls don't?
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Post by jelly »

Fallacy of false continuum. // bookworm
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