Raising Children in the Church

[John Chrysostom]

Top made an excellent post in a topic in the debate forum.

This brings about the question, which has nothing to do with gay marriage, how much is too much in teaching your children about Christianity?

If its wrong to SCARE people into becoming Christians, then is it also wrong to just tell your 3 or 4 year old, "HEY KID! You should accept Christ as your savior so you can go to heaven and have ice cream and puppy dogs!? DO YOU BELIEVE CHRIST DIED FOR YOUR SINS!?"

"Whatever you say Dad, sure! I like ice cream!"

"PRAISE THE LORD THE ANGELS ARE REJOICING MY CHILD IS A CHRISTIAN!!!!!!"

.....I don't buy a lot of young kid salvations, and I was one of them.

I have been considering this topic a lot lately. I too made a profession of faith young and to be perfectly honest didn't really mean it. My friends who lead me back to the Church are newly married and we were talking about how to raise children in the Church. We all fell away from the faith to a certain extent and joined a very different denomination than our parents so we're concerned about how to raise our children so the faith is their own. And I definitely agree that the situation Top described above is a bad one but also one that I've seen a lot. Thoughts? Personal experiences?

[The Top Crusader]

It is basically what I experienced as a kid... my dad basically sat me down and seriously told me that I should accept Christ, and I was like "Oh okay cool" and went back to watching cartoons or playing with a plastic Godzilla.

I never like... lived a terrible backslidden life, but I did eventually rededicate my life to Christ because my original conversion was really somewhat meaningless. I don't know, maybe it makes parents feel better to know their young child is a Christian but I'm not convinced it "counts". I suppose if the kid grows up and continues to believe in the ways of Christianity without making a new "official" confession of faith it still holds, but it isn't a route I think I want to take.

Not to mention, sure, a two year old doesn't have a lot of say, but once you have an older child/tween/teen do you force them to 3 or 4 church services a week? I was forced to every service until I was a teenager and could sit out some here and there, and it didn't bring me closer to God and I was not deeply moved in all those services--it made me resent the church and my parents. I didn't... personally blame God or anything, but it gave me a negative view of church.

I think two services in one day is too much. But that is another topic, I suppose...

[Termite]

Two words: youth group.

The thing about 'kid salvations' leads back to accountability... When is a child accountable for himself spiritually?

[odysseyfan1]

Are you saying that parents should let their kids make their own decisions about church attendance?

[John Chrysostom]

Termite: Well I went youth groups growing up and those didn't keep me accountable. Not saying they never work just saying they didn't for me and I knew lots of kids who were forced to go and didn't enjoy it and got nothing out of the experience.

odysseyfan: I think so, I mean obviously 10 and under they can't be left on their own but is dragging a 13+ year old to church beneficial?

[odysseyfan1]

Termite: Well I went youth groups growing up and those didn't keep me accountable. Not saying they never work just saying they didn't for me and I knew lots of kids who were forced to go and didn't enjoy it and got nothing out of the experience.

odysseyfan: I think so, I mean obviously 10 and under they can't be left on their own but is dragging a 13+ year old to church beneficial?

Of course! You make them go to school don't you? Don't you think they resent school?

[John Chrysostom]

Well I resented it and that caused me to stop going to church when I was in college and when I moved back home I didn't go either and if my parents had forced me to go to their church then I wouldn't be in my current church and a Christian. As for school, you don't want your kids going to school for the rest of their lives so to me it doesn't matter if they resent going growing up but to me it would be horrible if my kids resented going to church since I think that would hurt their faith their entire lives.

[odysseyfan1]

Well I resented it and that caused me to stop going to church when I was in college and when I moved back home I didn't go either and if my parents had forced me to go to their church then I wouldn't be in my current church and a Christian. As for school, you don't want your kids going to school for the rest of their lives so to me it doesn't matter if they resent going growing up but to me it would be horrible if my kids resented going to church since I think that would hurt their faith their entire lives.

True, but you can't let them make decisions like that, when they're that young.

[John Chrysostom]

But they can make a decision to be saved at that age?

[odysseyfan1]

But they can make a decision to be saved at that age?

Of course.

[John Chrysostom]

But they can't make the equally important decision whether to go to church or not?

[odysseyfan1]

But they can't make the equally important decision whether to go to church or not?

Can they? Sadly, the answer is probably yes with some families. Should they? Absolutely not.

[John Chrysostom]

When does it become harmful because they resent being forced to do something against their will?

[jelly]

When I was four I went to my dad and asked him how to become a Christian. He let me through the prayer or whatever. I really don't remember it, because I was four. I was fully raised in a functional Christian home. And to be honest, Christianity was completely meaningless to me until the last couple years or so. I liked the church my dad worked at when i was growing up, because that church was cool and I was involved with the tech and drama aspects of it.

But ya the actual message of Christianity was so lifeless to me. All the common bible stories were like worn-out fairy tales, church was just a scheduled activity, and all the basic Christian teachings were just common sense and didn't mean anything outside of 'this is how I live my life'. In other words, my Christianity wasn't mine, it was simply the way I was raised. And this is probably the way every single christian-raised kid feels at least once in the growing up years of their life. It wasn't until the last couple of years of my life that i've gone through my own personal journey with God that my faith has truly become my own.

Looking back at my life up until now, I can see how it's mostly been a blessing. But at the same time, I consider myself unfortunate. There's been times where I've just longed to have the conversion experience. To be completely excited about the love of Jesus; to have my eyes opened up. Of course, it's still possible to experience His presence in profound ways even if you were raised a Christian, but I was insanely jealous of many of my friends who were new Christians, and seemed to see everything in a different, exciting way. Heck, my girlfriend's entire life literally changed when she became a Christian. She has an amazing testimony. And I actually felt like I was missing out.

While I had rebellious stages, I was cooperative enough not to run away or anything. But that's mostly because my parents weren't as.. incredibly strict as other Christian conservative parents i know. If they had forced me to go to church those morning I really didn't want to, or shoved Christian teachings in my face when i just needed to learn things for myself.. I would have been a lot more rebellious and I probably wouldn't even be the Christian I am today. This is partly why I'm so disgusted with super strict conservative put-your-kids-in-a-protective-bubble parents... i know from experience and from the experience of others that can be a very unhealthy thing. Already i felt like a social outcast and grew to be rebellious just because I was homeschooled. If Christianity had been shoved down my throat growing up, i would have rebelled against that too.

[odysseyfan1]

When does it become harmful because they resent being forced to do something against their will?

You are forced to do stuff your whole life. Job, school, laws...Just because they're resentful doesn't mean that you should let them stay home from church. Besides learning discipline, parents have to do their best to make sure their kids follow Christ.

[John Chrysostom]

But as Jelly and I have said if we had been forced to go the church when we were rebelling we probably would not be Christians today how is that doing what is best for your children?

[jelly]

When does it become harmful because they resent being forced to do something against their will?

You are forced to do stuff your whole life. Job, school, laws...Just because they're resentful doesn't mean that you should let them stay home from church. Besides learning discipline, parents have to do their best to make sure their kids follow Christ.

See, the very fact that you're comparing church with things like school and other life obligations is what makes me sad. Your Christian faith should NOT be an obligation. It's a personal relationship between you and Jesus Christ. So if you really don't want to go to church, and your parents are forcing you, all that's going to do is build on the original reason you didn't want to go and make you more unhappy, and what are you going to end up getting out of that church service? Nothing. So why go? Going to church should be a choice; just like every other aspect of your christian faith. The incredible relationship with Jesus can't be shoved down your throat. You have to find it for yourself.

[odysseyfan1]

When does it become harmful because they resent being forced to do something against their will?

You are forced to do stuff your whole life. Job, school, laws...Just because they're resentful doesn't mean that you should let them stay home from church. Besides learning discipline, parents have to do their best to make sure their kids follow Christ.

See, the very fact that you're comparing church with things like school and other life obligations is what makes me sad. Your Christian faith should NOT be an obligation. It's a personal relationship between you and Jesus Christ. So if you really don't want to go to church, and your parents are forcing you, all that's going to do is build on the original reason you didn't want to go and make you more unhappy, and what are you going to end up getting out of that church service? Nothing. So why go? Going to church should be a choice; just like every other aspect of your christian faith. The incredible relationship with Jesus can't be shoved down your throat. You have to find it for yourself.

Yeah, we should want to be there, but we can't go on feelings. We're not always going to want to be there, as you guys are implying yourselves, by not wanting to be in multiple services. What I was trying to say was that we spend so many more hours working, watching movies, on the internet, sports, ect. than we do in Church (six hours a week, considering 4 services, at hour and a half each) Young children spend around 30 hours a week watching TV.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic...

[John Chrysostom]

And what I'm saying is yes I didn't want to go to even one service every week when I was kid but because my parents didn't force me I do go to Church now and I go to multiple services a week because I want to because it's my choice that I've made to pursue a relationship with Christ. Sure most of us spend more time doing other stuff, I'm not sure what your point is there, are you saying we should spend more time in Church than we do anything else?

[odysseyfan1]

And what I'm saying is yes I didn't want to go to even one service every week when I was kid but because my parents didn't force me I do go to Church now and I go to multiple services a week because I want to because it's my choice that I've made to pursue a relationship with Christ. Sure most of us spend more time doing other stuff, I'm not sure what your point is there, are you saying we should spend more time in Church than we do anything else?

No, I'm simply saying that 3-4 services isn't going to hurt us when we spend so much time doing other things.