I need relationship advice

[Young&Mighty]

There's been this girl I've known since high school. We first met on the year before I transferred out of Indonesia to Canada. You see, the high school we attended was in Indonesia. We became such good friends that almost everyone in the grade were spreading rumours about how we were becoming a really cute couple. I hate to say it, but it's the truth. We spent a lot of private time together and we had so much fun whenever we were together. We even flirted with each other on a couple of occasions. Since I left though, our friendship faltered since it became hard to contact her without facebook (I didn't have facebook then). I eventually got Facebook after she convinced me a few months ago.

Right now, she's moved to Los Angeles majoring in art, but she's having a hard time fitting in because she feels she has "no concept" and that she "can't handle her own in presentations and such". Making things worse was that she's transfer student from Seattle so she's had to start over from the beginning. She asked me for advice about it during one of our 3 hour Facebook chats, but I kinda botched it. At least I gave her some Youtube channels so she could keep in touch with world news. I thought it was good enough, but the problem's that I don't think that's the real issue...

In that same conversation, she was asking me what she actually has that helps her make who she is as a person. Of course, I mentioned education, family and the like, but when I said Bible, she flatly rejected it. That's where I got pretty ticked off (don't worry, I didn't show it to her). She's a Christian and yet she's worried about what the non-Christians would say because she "needs evidence to back up what she believes". I tried to reason her about it, but she didn't listen.

What makes it worse is that I don't think she's fitting in America at all. You see, every summer she travels back to her homeland (Indonesia and Singapore) to visit family and friends. Thing is, she's been forced to stay in her apartment for most of her stay in Jakarta because of terrible traffic (oh you don't want to know how terrible it is. It's traumatic). I wondered why she'd do that to herself. She mentioned family and friends, but also added the fact she missed Asia a lot.

Because she's currently with family and friends, I can't get into any real chatting with her. She's got summer class in Beijing in a month and will be back in Los Angeles in August. What do I do now? What should I say? If I have to say anything, I'd like to make sure it doesn't lead to a major argument. I've already been in too many of those with her via Facebook because of interest conflicts, from KONY12 to computers to video gaming.

[The Kings Daughter]

The obvious answer is pray, but I'm sure you're already doing that! A lot of the time what a girl really needs is just someone she can depend on. I know a guy's natural tendency is that when someone asks him for advice on a problem, he tries to give really good advice. Nothing wrong with that, it's even logical! But sometimes when a woman asks for advice, she really just wants someone who will listen to her. If you're always available to listen about her day, encourage her with verses when appropriate(not pushy, of course:)), and tell her you're praying for her/pray with her...a lot of the time someone just needs a person they can always count on since the rest of the world is changing around them. Now I don't know you both, really. If you have a Godly parent, sibling, or mentor, I would highly suggest approaching them on the subject! For one thing, they know you, and a lot of the time God works in the people around us. I'll pray that you both have wisdom, and that God will continually direct you!

[EK]

Dude, women don't seem to know what they want. They'll tell you one thing and then do the other. THEY'RE CRAZY! But.... if you just kind of cool it, listen to her and don't try to argue...everything should go smooth. Sometimes they'll flip out for no apparent reason, literally over nothing, but it's probably because of something else they're not telling you.

Just stay cool, stay cool, ice cold.

EDIT: Oh, yeah, and stay out of the friend zone, don't go past the point of no return. Try to be more intimate with her than just talking about stuff you would talk about with anybody (of course talk about that stuff too but, y'know) let her know you're interested, if she's interested as well, she'll tell you. If not...so what?

[Sherlock]

Throw your cards - tell her how you feel. Between the ages of 18 and 29 you might get some tears, equivocations and excuses. By 30, you'll probably get a response closer to the truth. Girls stop worrying about whether you have flawless features, make six figures a year or have never missed a church service on Sunday and start looking at the big picture. Most girls hit an existential crisis at 30, so that's probably the best time to ask them out.

But, in all seriousness, best wishes. Sounds like a tough scenario, but most friendships/relationships/whatever usually are. It's an undefined social morass, but everyone's got to sludge through it sooner or later.

[Young&Mighty]

Throw your cards - tell her how you feel. Between the ages of 18 and 29 you might get some tears, equivocations and excuses. By 30, you'll probably get a response closer to the truth. Girls stop worrying about whether you have flawless features, make six figures a year or have never missed a church service on Sunday and start looking at the big picture. Most girls hit an existential crisis at 30, so that's probably the best time to ask them out.

But, in all seriousness, best wishes. Sounds like a tough scenario, but most friendships/relationships/whatever usually are. It's an undefined social morass, but everyone's got to sludge through it sooner or later.

Well, I kinda told her. I told her I won in a local piano competition and I told her she inspired me by helping me find a way to express my emotions of nostalgia and happiness within darkness. She appreciated it. So yeah, I can definitely see she likes me as a friend (maybe she likes me a lil more than that, but I don't want to guess). That's not the real issue here.

EDIT: Thanks TKD. I knew she needed someone to listen to, but she rarely ever starts the facebook conversations, which left me feeling weird everytime I started them. Plus, I got a really busy university year coming up and by then, she might still have trouble fitting in.

[EK]

Just straight up tell her. Be like

"yo dude, I'm really picking up some sweet vibes from you. wanna go out?"

and say it just like that.


...or don't, actually. >_>

[Termite]

I've had a boyfriend/friend relationship with this guy for almost a year now... we've been officially dating for two months, and I think I've only ever texted him first (to talk, and not with a question or something else of the like) like two or three times. It makes a girl feel special when you pursue conversation and make an effort to speak to her... though it does need to be reciprocated, I know. (on a personal note, I've gone to text him like four times in the past few weeks and he's texted me first. xP) So don't feel too awkward about continually speaking to her.

[Over the Rainbow]

^^^Ditto to what this chick said. Girls don't want to come across as clingy, desperate, obsessive or aggressive. We like boys to initiate the conversation first. So while you may think we're uninterested, we may just be waiting for you.

[EK]

I don't text girls first, you've got to get them interested first and then act like you don't care for a while.... that's when they go crazy for you.

HAH, you females think you're soooooooo smart. I'VE FIGURED YOU GUYS OUT!

[Termite]

And that's when they move onto a guy who's honest about it.

[EK]

>_>

<_<

Nobody puts EK into a corner.

[Sherlock]

I don't text girls first, you've got to get them interested first and then act like you don't care for a while.... that's when they go crazy for you.

HAH, you females think you're soooooooo smart. I'VE FIGURED YOU GUYS OUT!

The Cold Shoulder Technique. 60% of the time, it works EVERY time.

Fact.

[Marvin D.]

And that's when they move onto a guy who's honest about it.

For this, I love you Termite.

In a completely platonic way.

[EK]

I love you in a completely non-platonic way Termite.


Now I'm going to ignore her, watch and learn young padawans.

[Marvin D.]

I love you in a completely non-platonic way Termite.


Now I'm going to ignore her, watch and learn young padawans.

I was first so get out

[Musical Shutterbug]

I've had a boyfriend/friend relationship with this guy for almost a year now...

Boys, I think that you missed this part

[EK]

I'm too old for her anyway.

[Musical Shutterbug]

Some ladies like to go for older gents Providing that you have money, of course

[Young&Mighty]

Some ladies like to go for older gents Providing that you have money, of course

Sadly, I'm 9 months younger than she is. And for all of you saying I should try saying I like her to her, I live in Toronto, which is nowhere near Los Angeles (where she resides). Just remembered that she's going to Beijing, so I might not be able to contact her via Facebook because they censored it

But yeah, I think only one person's had a crack at actually solving my problem. I wasn't asking for advice about what I should do with my feelings for her (I don't even know what to think in regards to that). I wanted to know how to help her settle in American university life because she's having trouble fitting in. She goes to a non-Christian private college and I think she feels she has to follow the crowd to fit in.

[The Kings Daughter]

xD As amusing as this is, please try and stay with the topic, guys. EK, you should start a topic on girl advice someone. So far, your view on the subject is most interesting.

@Young&Mighty: Is writing an actual letter a possibility, or would that difficult or awkward?: