The Town of Odyssey

My first Historical Fiction!
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Author:  Honey Wheeler [ Mon Oct 01, 2012 3:54 pm ]
Post subject:  My first Historical Fiction!

Hey Guys,
A while ago, I wrote a historical fiction short story. Will you read it and please give me some feed back? Thanks!

Honey Wheeler

“”Violet, dépêchez-vous, hurry up!!” Eliza said with extreme excitement.
Violet and her sister Eliza, who was 14 and younger than Violet by two years, were thrilled to be able to see a hot air balloon in person. It was a day to remember in the year 1783. The park in Paris, France was full of people who wanted to see the balloon take off into the sky. Messieurs Jean-François Pilâtre de Rozier and François Laurent d'Arlandes were going to make history by flying the first manned Hot Air Balloon.
“Eliza Adeline! I am coming! S'il vous plaît attendre, please wait! ” Violet called, still trying to get her shoes and sweater on at the same time. Eliza had been rushing her for the last 30 minutes because she thought that the park would be full of spectators at 7:00am when the event started at 3:00pm. They were going to walk into town, set up their blanket, than spend their day in the city of Paris, than see the Hot Air Balloon.
They were headed out to town after setting up the blanket, when Violet saw the cutest straw bonnet in the window of a shop.
“Oh Eliza! That is the most gorgeous straw bonnet I have ever seen!!”
“Wow, it is beautiful!Too bad, it is twenty-five dollars, you may never be able to buy it. That is quite a bummer.”
“Eliza, do you think that mother and father will buy it for my birthday? Or maybe they have already bought the one with the pink or blue ribbon! Oh, will you please make sure that mother and father know that I would love to have the straw bonnet, S’il vous plaît?”
“Fine, if you will stop begging me, I will”
“Oh thank you Eliza, you’re the best!” Violet said, throwing her arms around her sister.
After their little shopping spree, they got back to their blanket to find a surprise.
“Violet, I don’t remember bringing pillows to sit on, do you?” Eliza asked inspecting the new comfort they received anonymously.
“No, we did not bring pillows, and mother and father certainly did not drop them off, it’s too far from out house to just drop something off than leave,” Violet said, “and besides, father has to stay with our grand'mère, his mother, because she is sick.”
“Well, than who gave them to us? And, did you notice that our names are embroidered on the pillow case? Wait a moment, there is a note in my pillow.”
To My Dearest Eliza Adeline,
I hope you enjoy the ceremony with Violet! It took me a while, but I finally got your names right on the pillow cases.
Love, Louis Fitzgerald
“Ohh, Eliza! Louis Fitzgerald? Wow, why didn't I figure that you liked each other, it was obvious!”
Eliza scowled, “Please make no mention of it, Violet Claire.”
Hot Air balloon ceremony began. First, a band played the King’s royal music. Even though the king was not there himself, every one cheered when the anthem was done playing. Second, messieurs Jean-François Pilâtre de Rozier and François Laurent d'Arlandes gave a speech telling the people who attended what was supposed to happen and about the engineering of the Balloon itself. Lastly, the men got into the balloon and got ready to take off.
They got in the air safely, and when they did the whole city of Paris was excited. The shop owners and butchers came our of their shops to look at the spectacle Every one on the street got silent as they balloon started to rise and cheered quite loudly when it was as high as it should be.
The whole day was a blast. After the ceremony, Louis Fitzgerald and his family invited Violet and Eliza to an early dinner and Louis and his father offered to take them back home afterwards. The girls accepted the invitation, and they both had a fun time, and as it turns out, Violet had taken a liking to Louis’ older brother, Luc.
And they all lived happily ever after. THE END.

Author:  Astronomer [ Tue Oct 02, 2012 8:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: My first Historical Fiction!

Good story. It was interesting enough to catch my attention, and the character's were really likable. Well done!

Author:  Catspaw [ Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: My first Historical Fiction!

Interesting story! You're very ambitious to write an historical story. I like the way that you wove details in. :D One little thing that stood out to me was the word "bummer." It felt out of place in the context of the story, but I guess I couldn't say for sure that the word wasn't used in that way during the time period. ;) Was this for an assignment or just for fun? Either way, thanks for sharing!

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