if Harry Potter had been written by Lemony Snicket

"Books? You want books?! Ha! We've got books on hairy otters, on onions and on mars! All the fungus you could care for, plus, three triple zillion stars. We've got books on flossing teeth, plus three books on tossing sheep. If we spent our lives just counting books, we'd never get to sleep!" -Leopold the Librarian ("The Great Wishy Woz")
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Ferder
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if Harry Potter had been written by Lemony Snicket

Post by Ferder »

I was digging through some old files of mine and found this little peice I had written. It's a little dated, though since it refers to books which are no longer the latest ones in both the HP and LS series.

Dear Reader
If you are hoping to find in this book a happy and enchanting tale about a young wizard going to magic school, then you are sadly mistaken. For from the beginning when Harry is attacked by several soul-sucking creatures, to the end when a great tragedy occurs, Harry's 5th year at Hogwarts is filled with nothing by misery and woe.
In this volume Harry encounters such unpleasant things as a house for dark wizards, a teacher who looks like a frog, a disturbing prophecy, a pen that slices one's hand open, the death of a loved-one and a pair of radish-shaped earrings.
It is my sad, but very profitable duty to record the school years of the Potter Orphan but obviously you'd be much better off reading some other slightly-less miserable book such as Lemony Snicket's "The Slippery Slope".
With all due respect
J.K. Rowling
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Azariah Ben Yaakov
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Post by Azariah Ben Yaakov »

(this is my opinion) harry potter is very evil. witches, goblins, sorcerors, etc. those things are not of God (in my opinion)
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EK
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Post by EK »

ITS OF TEH DEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL
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Post by Elf of Rivendell »

Haha...nice parody, Ferder. ^_^
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Post by Larry The Pickle »

livin4messiah wrote:witches, goblins, sorcerors, etc. those things are not of God
Well duh. :-s

BTW is that a Halo 2 avatar that you have? Why, if I'm not mistaken, Halo 2 is a shooter game, and killing people (or is it aliens in Halo?) isn't of God either!




Sorry if I offended anyone with my brass words and sarcasm, j/j around here a little bit. No offense intended.
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Post by Azariah Ben Yaakov »

Jman 009 wrote:
livin4messiah wrote:witches, goblins, sorcerors, etc. those things are not of God
Well duh. :-s

BTW is that a Halo 2 avatar that you have? Why, if I'm not mistaken, Halo 2 is a shooter game, and killing people (or is it aliens in Halo?) isn't of God either!




Sorry if I offended anyone with my brass words and sarcasm, j/j around here a little bit. No offense intended.
i dont know, i think it ishalo, i found it on the gallery at my site, and it looked kool, so im usin it
Last edited by Azariah Ben Yaakov on Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Larry The Pickle »

yeah, ok. But ya oughta notta use things that you don't know what they are, could get ya into trouble, like it just did.
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Post by Azariah Ben Yaakov »

Jman 009 wrote:yeah, ok. But ya oughta notta use things that you don't know what they are, could get ya into trouble, like it just did.
yeah u r rite, but ek is SUPPOEDlYmakin mea new avvy so yeah....
Last edited by Azariah Ben Yaakov on Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Jennifer Doyle »

Jman 009 wrote: Why, if I'm not mistaken, Halo 2 is a shooter game, and killing people (or is it aliens in Halo?) isn't of God either!
Off topic: Who says "killing" people isn't of God? God has killed many people.

Murder is wrong. Killing is not.
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Post by jasodia »

Off topic: Who says "killing" people isn't of God? God has killed many people.

Murder is wrong. Killing is not.
True! Just try telling that to some people though - #-o
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Post by The Top Crusader »

i think its satin worship it teaches spel casting and whichcraft and concocting a war for politican gain. i think u showed do like teh germins in ww2 and burn those books!!!!!!!1
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Post by Azariah Ben Yaakov »

Bulk wrote:i think its satin worship it teaches spel casting and whichcraft and concocting a war for politican gain. i think u showed do like teh germins in ww2 and burn those books!!!!!!!1
i agree!!

*makes petition, with Top, and signs it*
Last edited by Azariah Ben Yaakov on Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by mr. mellow »

livin4messiah wrote:
Bulk wrote:i think its satin worship it teaches spel casting and whichcraft and concocting a war for politican gain. i think u showed do like teh germins in ww2 and burn those books!!!!!!!1
i agree!!

*makes petition, with Top, and signs it*
he was kidding... I think. :-s
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Post by Catspaw »

mr. mellow wrote:
livin4messiah wrote:
Bulk wrote:i think its satin worship it teaches spel casting and whichcraft and concocting a war for politican gain. i think u showed do like teh germins in ww2 and burn those books!!!!!!!1
i agree!!

*makes petition, with Top, and signs it*
he was kidding... I think. :-s
He was definitely kidding, in a slightly less than serious way. When Top suggests a Nazi-style book-burning, he usually isn't serious. :)

Let's discuss Ferder's humorous writing instead of debating endlessly about something we'll never agree upon, shall we? :)
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Post by COWBOY OF TEXAS »

I think I would have found it more funny if I was familiar with either series of books, which will probably never happen...


Good job btw. ;)


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Post by EK »

Jman 009 wrote:
livin4messiah wrote:witches, goblins, sorcerors, etc. those things are not of God
Well duh. :-s

BTW is that a Halo 2 avatar that you have? Why, if I'm not mistaken, Halo 2 is a shooter game, and killing people (or is it aliens in Halo?) isn't of God either!
Halo 2 is the pwnzors, if you cant play Halo 2 because it has guns and violence in it....then you can only play tetris and bejeweled. BUT WAIT, thats violence against blocks and gems...ohnoez. I own Halo, Halo 2, and the Halo 2 Multiplayer Map Pack. And it is leet as all get out and I havent started worshipping the devil or shooting people...on a side note, the new game called Black is like teh pwnzors.
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Post by Felicity Blackgaard »

Ha! Cute parody, Ferder. Sure wish that was on the cover before I read it. Favorite characters that die in the book make me sad. :(
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