if Harry Potter had been written by Lemony Snicket

"Books? You want books?! Ha! We've got books on hairy otters, on onions and on mars! All the fungus you could care for, plus, three triple zillion stars. We've got books on flossing teeth, plus three books on tossing sheep. If we spent our lives just counting books, we'd never get to sleep!" -Leopold the Librarian ("The Great Wishy Woz, Part 2")

if Harry Potter had been written by Lemony Snicket

Postby Ferder » Sun Feb 26, 2006 3:20 pm

I was digging through some old files of mine and found this little peice I had written. It's a little dated, though since it refers to books which are no longer the latest ones in both the HP and LS series.

Dear Reader
If you are hoping to find in this book a happy and enchanting tale about a young wizard going to magic school, then you are sadly mistaken. For from the beginning when Harry is attacked by several soul-sucking creatures, to the end when a great tragedy occurs, Harry's 5th year at Hogwarts is filled with nothing by misery and woe.
In this volume Harry encounters such unpleasant things as a house for dark wizards, a teacher who looks like a frog, a disturbing prophecy, a pen that slices one's hand open, the death of a loved-one and a pair of radish-shaped earrings.
It is my sad, but very profitable duty to record the school years of the Potter Orphan but obviously you'd be much better off reading some other slightly-less miserable book such as Lemony Snicket's "The Slippery Slope".
With all due respect
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Postby Azariah Ben Yaakov » Sun Feb 26, 2006 3:32 pm

(this is my opinion) harry potter is very evil. witches, goblins, sorcerors, etc. those things are not of God (in my opinion)
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Postby EK » Sun Feb 26, 2006 3:46 pm

ITS OF TEH DEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL
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Postby Elf of Rivendell » Sun Feb 26, 2006 6:05 pm

Haha...nice parody, Ferder. ^_^
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Postby Larry The Pickle » Sun Feb 26, 2006 10:46 pm

livin4messiah wrote:witches, goblins, sorcerors, etc. those things are not of God


Well duh. :-s

BTW is that a Halo 2 avatar that you have? Why, if I'm not mistaken, Halo 2 is a shooter game, and killing people (or is it aliens in Halo?) isn't of God either!




Sorry if I offended anyone with my brass words and sarcasm, j/j around here a little bit. No offense intended.
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Postby Azariah Ben Yaakov » Sun Feb 26, 2006 11:05 pm

Jman 009 wrote:
livin4messiah wrote:witches, goblins, sorcerors, etc. those things are not of God


Well duh. :-s

BTW is that a Halo 2 avatar that you have? Why, if I'm not mistaken, Halo 2 is a shooter game, and killing people (or is it aliens in Halo?) isn't of God either!




Sorry if I offended anyone with my brass words and sarcasm, j/j around here a little bit. No offense intended.


i dont know, i think it ishalo, i found it on the gallery at my site, and it looked kool, so im usin it
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Postby Larry The Pickle » Sun Feb 26, 2006 11:08 pm

yeah, ok. But ya oughta notta use things that you don't know what they are, could get ya into trouble, like it just did.
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Postby Azariah Ben Yaakov » Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:52 am

Jman 009 wrote:yeah, ok. But ya oughta notta use things that you don't know what they are, could get ya into trouble, like it just did.
yeah u r rite, but ek is SUPPOEDlYmakin mea new avvy so yeah....
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Postby Jennifer Doyle » Mon Feb 27, 2006 5:17 pm

Jman 009 wrote: Why, if I'm not mistaken, Halo 2 is a shooter game, and killing people (or is it aliens in Halo?) isn't of God either!

Off topic: Who says "killing" people isn't of God? God has killed many people.

Murder is wrong. Killing is not.
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Postby jasodia » Mon Feb 27, 2006 8:09 pm

Off topic: Who says "killing" people isn't of God? God has killed many people.

Murder is wrong. Killing is not.


True! Just try telling that to some people though - #-o
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Postby The Top Crusader » Mon Feb 27, 2006 8:33 pm

i think its satin worship it teaches spel casting and whichcraft and concocting a war for politican gain. i think u showed do like teh germins in ww2 and burn those books!!!!!!!1
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Postby Azariah Ben Yaakov » Mon Feb 27, 2006 8:38 pm

Bulk wrote:i think its satin worship it teaches spel casting and whichcraft and concocting a war for politican gain. i think u showed do like teh germins in ww2 and burn those books!!!!!!!1
i agree!!

*makes petition, with Top, and signs it*
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Postby mr. mellow » Mon Feb 27, 2006 8:40 pm

livin4messiah wrote:
Bulk wrote:i think its satin worship it teaches spel casting and whichcraft and concocting a war for politican gain. i think u showed do like teh germins in ww2 and burn those books!!!!!!!1
i agree!!

*makes petition, with Top, and signs it*

he was kidding... I think. :-s
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Postby Catspaw » Mon Feb 27, 2006 9:07 pm

mr. mellow wrote:
livin4messiah wrote:
Bulk wrote:i think its satin worship it teaches spel casting and whichcraft and concocting a war for politican gain. i think u showed do like teh germins in ww2 and burn those books!!!!!!!1
i agree!!

*makes petition, with Top, and signs it*

he was kidding... I think. :-s

He was definitely kidding, in a slightly less than serious way. When Top suggests a Nazi-style book-burning, he usually isn't serious. :)

Let's discuss Ferder's humorous writing instead of debating endlessly about something we'll never agree upon, shall we? :)
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Postby COWBOY OF TEXAS » Mon Feb 27, 2006 11:07 pm

I think I would have found it more funny if I was familiar with either series of books, which will probably never happen...


Good job btw. ;)


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Postby EK » Wed Mar 01, 2006 8:09 pm

Jman 009 wrote:
livin4messiah wrote:witches, goblins, sorcerors, etc. those things are not of God


Well duh. :-s

BTW is that a Halo 2 avatar that you have? Why, if I'm not mistaken, Halo 2 is a shooter game, and killing people (or is it aliens in Halo?) isn't of God either!


Halo 2 is the pwnzors, if you cant play Halo 2 because it has guns and violence in it....then you can only play tetris and bejeweled. BUT WAIT, thats violence against blocks and gems...ohnoez. I own Halo, Halo 2, and the Halo 2 Multiplayer Map Pack. And it is leet as all get out and I havent started worshipping the devil or shooting people...on a side note, the new game called Black is like teh pwnzors.
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Postby Felicity Blackgaard » Wed Mar 01, 2006 8:28 pm

Ha! Cute parody, Ferder. Sure wish that was on the cover before I read it. Favorite characters that die in the book make me sad. :(
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