Catspaw's Card Department

Post by **Catspaw** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 12:35 pm

We all have those occasions where we need a card for some reason. I will write custom comments for those who want me to, for any occasion or reason. Unfortunately, if you want a pciture added, I have a limited selection, though I would be willing to search for a different picture if a person wanted me to. However, the main part of this business will be the actual words.

Here's an example:

Dear EB,

I would like to offer my sincere apologies for the rude comments that I have made about you and to you in the past. I know that we have had our differences in the past, but I would like to put those days behind us permenantly. Please accept my humbles apology, and let me know if you would like tp join me to tea and crumpets tomorrow afternoon.

Sincerely, Catspaw

That is the kind of note that I would write. A customer would then have the option of having me PM the note to them so they could send it to the person, or I could PM the note directly to the person, or I could post the note for the person to read.

Prices are very reasonable - for the first week, I will be charging only $2 per custom card! After that introductory special, prices will rise slightly, but should remain at $5 or less. Adding a picture will raise the price by $1 if it is something that I already have on my computer, or $2 if I have to go find one.

Thank-you for your conisderation, and please let me know if I can serve you in any way! Please let me know if you have any questions, suggestions, or comments.

Frank · Post by **Frank** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 1:09 pm

I have a little girlfriend whose birthday is coming up very soon, I've been racking my brain for a simple little funny message that she would like. She's very firey and has bright red hair and is turning...nine...I think. I love her very much and wish that her card could be something other than "Happy Birthday!, I love you. Sincerely, Frank's Real Name". Can you help me...my dearest Catspaw?

Post by **Catspaw** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 5:31 pm

I certainly can help! Here's one possibility. Let me know if you like it, or if you want something different.

Today is your birthday,
So life should go your way!
Today is your special day,
So life is better than okay!

I'm so glad that I know you! You are such a special and fun part of my life, and I hope that you have a great 9th birthday! Enjoy your special day, and don't forget that I care, and that God loves you even more than I do.

Your friend, Frank's Real Name

Frank · Post by **Frank** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 6:20 pm

Ohh! That's so cute! Thank you so much Catspaw!

(Uhh...I just wanted to use that emoticon...)

Post by **Catspaw** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 6:27 pm

Thanks! I'm glad that you like it. And that is a cute emoticon. Since you're my very first customer, your card saying will be absolutely free! Tell all your friends about Uncle Pete's Muffin World! (Ummm...well, you know what I mean). $\:D/$

Bmuntz · Post by **Bmuntz** » Fri Apr 08, 2005 9:04 pm

I want somwthing that make s fun of EB in a clever way. It must be good or no pay.

Eugene Blackgaard · Post by **Eugene Blackgaard** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 12:15 am

Oooh. Muntz is busting some major rhymes!

Post by **Catspaw** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:34 pm

A message for the notorious personage known as Eugene Blackgaard:

I have long respected your utter lack of ability.
Your ineptness is very much appreciated.
Your way with words is unparallelled...at least in a nursery school class.
Your foolishness is unquestioned.
Your callous ways are fully acknowledged.
My joy at you pitifulness is complete.
Please don't ever change, EB - if you grow any more ridiculous, I'll have to use my own brainpower to ridicule you, instead of having my dog randomly hammer at the keyboard.

Sincerely, with all due respect (that would be none, in case you hadn't figured it out),
Bmuntz

P.S. Don't worry if you had to get out your dictionary to understand this message: my dog did too

If this message is satisfactory for yoy, Bmuntz, please send me the $2 fee mentioned earlier. If you would like a reasonable change to be made, please let me know.

Bmuntz · Post by **Bmuntz** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:40 pm

Very good!

I sent that and a little more.

Post by **Catspaw** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 10:55 pm

Thank-you, Bmuntz! Your patronage is appreciated.

I now have had two satisfied cutomers, and would welcome more! Don't wait - send the right message today! (Well, not today, because I probably won't be on at all on Monday, because I have a really busy day. But I should be on Tuesday!)

Eugene Blackgaard · Post by **Eugene Blackgaard** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 11:09 pm

Heh. It's pitiful. Quite pitiful Bmuntz, that in order to create an insult directed towards me about my utter lack of skills, and my complete ineptness with words, that you have to hire someone to write an insult for you. You sir, are the lowest of all creatures, and the facts stated above are enough for me to look at your insult message, and just sit back for a nice, long laugh. It really is quite incredible what a profound oxymoron this is.

Thank you Bmuntz for making my day, you never cease to amuse me.

Post by **Catspaw** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 11:14 pm

Well, EB, since you are posting on my thread, would you like to pay me to write a real rebuttal, or would you prefer to stick with your pitiful little pile of "insults"?

(I really am kidding, EB, because you are known around the AIO realm for your brillance with words. It is the irony in the message from Bmuntz that makes it so powerful...or so I would like to try to believe).

Eugene Blackgaard · Post by **Eugene Blackgaard** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 11:31 pm

Well, seeing as I'm not actually upset, and that my last post was one big pile of insults in jest, it really isn't that much of a problem. I can write my own rebuttals, thank you.