John Whittaker's wife is ALIVE and in Hillingdale Haven!

[The Scribbler]

You heard it here first folks.

My intrepid investigator Dabner has provided exclusive details on what he calls 'Whit's darkest hour'.

According to the official story that Whittaker has been selling kids for decades now, Jenny, his wife, died many years ago.

But we here at the Odyssey Tattler have reason to believe otherwise.

Mr. Whittaker has, infact, secretly hidden his wife in Hillingdale Haven, the town's looney bin.

Why is Jenny Whittaker in Hillingdale? After a particularly lengthy investigation, the Odyssey Tattler has discovered that Jenny literally went crazy after trying out the prototype for the Imagination Station. Upon exiting the station, she kept experiencing the same scene over and over again; Eve convincing Adam to eat the forbidden fruit. She eventually felt so guilty for the actions of her gender that she self-shamed herself into insanity. It was more than her poor brain could take.

Nowadays, Jenny spends her time finger painting with Agnes and swapping her rice pudding for brownies, day after day, week after week, year after year.

What a cruel man, this Whittaker! After all the supposed good he does, we see him for what he truly is; A man saddled with guilt for what his invention did to his wife!

I sure wouldn't want to be John Whittaker right now...

This is The Scribbler, signing off.