EDIT: Boo! It took all my indentations out of it!
](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall"){kind=small}
***
Life, Love, and Pretzels
Fred and his long-time best friend Archibald made their way through the local mall, neither seeing much that interested them, but killing time none the less.
“This mall,” stated Arch, “has really gone downhill.”
“I suppose,” agreed Fred, musing at the massage chairs sitting in the center of the mall.
“It needs something cool. Like a gun store. I’d be here all the time if I could go to a nice, classy gun store.”
“A gun store? How often do you ever even use a gun?”
“Well, I went hunting a few times with my dad when I was a kid. I’m just trying to think of something creative…Matter of fact…” Arch’s voice trailed off.
Fred, surprised that his friend had stopped amidst such an important statement, turned to look at him.
Arch was vigorously starring far down the mall.
“Fred…” Arch finally whispered, as he raised his arm to point. “…look who it is.”
Fred sighed, trying to see what his friend saw. “It’s not polite to point… or stare. Actually…” Fred was then cut off in mid speech by what he saw.
“See?”
“Clementine,” spoke Fred. “Clementine…. Wow. It’s been years…”
Fred remembered it like it was yesterday. It was back in the days when Mountain Dew came in one color, WCW was the number one wrestling organization in the world, and rap music hadn’t yet infiltrated 90% of radio stations.
He had seen her on her first day at the school he attended. Immediately struck by her charm and beauty, he became determined to talk to her… he finally, after days of mental preparation and numerous failed attempts approached Clementine.
“Hi, Fred,” she had said. She spoke first! This would be even easier now!
Fred opened his mouth… his throat and tongue, so dry… he made a croaking sound.
Clementine looked at him oddly.
Finally, he managed to get words out of his mouth… “Hey… how’s it going?” Good! Progress! Well, not so good. He sounded more like Jabba the Hutt than himself. But at least he had spoken.
“Good, how are you?” She replied! She actually replied to him!
“Pretty good…” Okay, but still sounding like Jabba. He had to say something to make his mark, make her remember him!
And then, she walked away, sidetracked by her boyfriend, Robert.
But that was then.
“I thought she moved away…” stated Arch.
“Hence why it’s been years,” explained Fred.
“Oh, right. Well, you’re the one who’s madly in love with her. Go talk to her.”
“That was a long time ago,” glared Fred. “I’ve long since been over her.”
“Fine, don’t talk to her then. One less wedding I have to be in. …uh, you would ask me to be in your wedding, wouldn’t you?”
Fred didn’t respond, but stepped out from Arch and made his way through the crowd. After all, thought Fred, this could be his chance to redeem himself, to finally land the woman of his dreams and make amends for the fiasco in his past.
But, there she went. She probably hadn’t seen him, and either way, after all these years, she might very well not recognize him, anyway. So, clueless as to what was going on, she continued down the stretch of the mall. Fred carefully dodged and side-stepped slow moving mothers with strollers and elderly people.
Ever closer he approached… right on her tail! All he had to do was touch her shoulder, or speak her name, and all that lost potential from his youth would be brought to fruition!
“Hey, Clementine.”
She kept walking.
Maybe it would help to speak audibly, thought Fred. But this time, his voice didn’t plummet to comical, yet unappreciated, lows! He paused there in the mall for a moment, talking a deep breath. Maybe all that had happened before was leading up to this moment? Maybe that was just practice, and now was time for his destiny to be fulfilled!
Fred continued, newly rejuvenated! He had about reached her once again… when she stepped into Victoria’s Secret. He paused dead in his tracks. He didn’t want to go in there… and he thought it might not be best to approach her while she was buying new underwear, or something.
Fred starred absent-mindedly into the store, contemplating his next move.
Just like the days all those years ago… when Clementine was with Robert. Well, maybe not just like those days, but, Fred couldn’t help but remember when he and Arch would be spying on Robert and Clementine at basketball games in high school, and throw a pen at them if they felt they were getting too frisky…
But then, maybe that was the problem. He had always been so indirect! Now was not the time for being cautious! Now was the time for action!
Fred took a deep breath, and set foot inside the store. One step. Two steps. He might just make it after all! He scurried through the store, trying to keep an eye on her. Trying too hard to keep an eye on her. He collided with, and promptly toppled over with, a mannequin wearing the latest in women’s undergarments. The clatter drew the attention of nearby shoppers and an employee.
Had Clementine noticed? Fred quickly stood and looked her way. No, she was occupied. Good. The employee began complaining to him about how clumsy he was. Instinctively, he bent down and tried to help set up the mannequin… after a moment it dawned on him that this wouldn’t be conducive to his quest. He left the dumbfounded employee and looked around, pacing across the store. No sign of Clementine!
Fred quickly dashed from the store… to see Clementine walking away in the other direction.
Not too far away. He could catch her this time.
Just as he was once again about to reach her, a familiar looking man walked out of a nearby store, just as she passed.
“Clementine!” exclaimed the man.
She turned. “Robert? Oh, Robert!”
What a pleasant turn, Fred thought to himself, morosely.
Robert and Clementine embraced.
“Ah, it has been years, Clementine, my dear!”
“It has. Too long,” agreed Clementine, smiling.
“Still single?” asked Robert, with raised eyebrow.
“Well… yes.”
“Excellent!” Robert raised a fist in the air. “Then let us begin where we left off!”
“Oh, Robert!” she giggled.
The happy twosome walked away, leaving Fred starring dumbfounded at them.
“Heh, figures,” said a voice over his shoulder. It was, of course, the faithful Archibald.
“I was so close…” groaned Fred.
“Don’t feel bad,” consoled Arch. “I bought you a pretzel.”
And they continued on their journey through the mall, and Fred ate that pretzel. And, indeed, it was the greatest pretzel he had ever tasted.
Yes. Actually someone I know very closely was the model for Fred... 
(Really! I am!)
