Amusing Quotes & Jokes

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Postby JesusFreak777 » Mon May 09, 2005 2:21 pm

The Laws of Chocolate

If you get melted chocolate on you hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices, and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

Problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. Solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates provides your total intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all you chocolate, it may be a sign of a deeper problem.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate are a balanced diet.

Two phrases: Money talks. Chocolate sings.

The preservatives in chocolate make you look younger.

Question: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Annoymous? Answer: Because no one wants to quit. :lol:

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control-top pantyhose. An entire garment indujstry would be devestated.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of you list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

I LOVE these jokes. And yes I am a self proclaimed chocoholic.:hilarious:
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Postby Catspaw » Mon May 09, 2005 2:34 pm

I love the chocolate jokes! Of course, most of them are just common sense. Why eat a thousand oranges when you can get the same number of calories in a couple of chocolate bars? Efficency is key! ;)

Points to Ponder

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?

Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?

Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
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