What Makes Marriages Fail

Movieman · Post by **Movieman** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:22 am

The lie that makes marriages fail, in whatever verbal form, is that we would be happy and satisfied and our problems and pains would fade away if only we were married to the right person.

I am not denying that marriage brings great joy and can bring strength and healing to individuals. But there is an unhealthy idea that marriage to the right person will make us infinitely satisfied.

My goal is not necessarily to lessen your view of marriage, but rather to put it into perspective. (I admit I know nothing of the subject from first hand experience, but only of observations of many couples in many different phases of a marriage relationship. Though I do not know their hearts, I know what I hear and see.) The attitude, especially among many singles and newly married couples seems to be one of worshiping marriage as if it were the be-all, end-all of life.

While sensible people may deny it, part of them still feeds this dream of perfect romance and endless pleasures that are in no way tainted by the sin we still wrestle with. I probably do as well, and only time and circumstance may tell how much.

All I know is that if marriage is your god (ie, what you worship, think about most, strive toward most), or if your significant other, or imaginary/dream/"future mate" has become your god (ie, your reason for everything that you do, over and above God) then you are probably going to be disappointed. Im not saying you will get divorced. All I'm saying is that we need to shape our minds by God's perspective, not by how we feel or the social culture at hand.

I am not a hater. I cherish the beauty of the relationship between a man and wife. So that is why I show such indignation toward what destroys it.

If singles and young couples, or married persons do not find their wholeness in God, they are only bringing more strife to their relationships. The idealistic expectations that go unmet burn like salt grains in the wounds that marriage was supposed to heal.

Donna Blackbeard · Post by **Donna Blackbeard** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 2:04 pm

So i take it, movieman, that you are not married.

Movieman · Post by **Movieman** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 3:24 pm

I am not married, I just wanted to write this to express my opinion.

Iron and Light · Post by **Iron and Light** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 5:41 pm

Even though I have never been married, I DO know that Movieman is 100% right- marriage is NOT the 'be all end all.' Actually, if you're counting on marriage to be your source of complete joy and happiness, you're going to be horrifically let down. The ONLY TRUE source of our joy should be our relationship with Jesus Christ. If we were beaten, thrown in a mud-filled pit, and left for dead, we should STILL be able to experience full joy and happiness in the knowledge that we are with our Lord and Saviour, and that we are not suffering anything that He has not already gone through.

Philippians 4:11-13 " Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. "

Donna Blackbeard · Post by **Donna Blackbeard** » Tue Jul 15, 2008 2:32 pm

Movieman wrote:I am not married, I just wanted to write this to express my opinion.

I figured. And i figure your opinion will change once you get married

that's what my mom says.

Arwen · Post by **Arwen** » Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:42 pm

Another reason marriages fail is that no one seems to want to follow God's plan for the roles of the husband and wife.

The wife is to respect and submit to her husband. The husband is supposed to love and protect the wife. The world's system seems to look at that and say "No way! That makes a woman a doormat!" But that's really not what God intended.

If I marry a godly man of God, then he can lead our family down the path God's chosen for us. Not without my input or advice, and even my decision making on some things, but with me still understanding that he is in the lead. Also, respect is a form of love for a guy, and showing respect for him as the head will also be an example for our children.

By the same token, my husband has a tough job. He is supposed to love me as Christ loves the church. That means that he needs to put my needs ahead of his own, and make decisions that will benefit his wife and his family. This doesn't mean being slave to my wants, but it means careful consideration for my needs and emotions. And he must love me and show me that, because it's what I so desperately need.

I honestly think marriage is such a beautiful thing that the world is trying to destroy. It's ONLY through God that a marriage can work.

This amazing woman of God (that I've had the opportunity to talk to online a couple times), Kerry Hasenbalg, just wrote in her blog about this very thing. I think she says it very well. Only by God's grace.

jasonjannajerryjohn · Post by **jasonjannajerryjohn** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 9:13 pm

I want to go ahed and say here that I have lost my faith in marriage. I no longer believe that marriage works simply because my dad has left us. I do not think that marriage is possible any longer. I know that it has been possible in the past, but it is no longer a viable option. Marriages simply can not work in this day in age. You know that someone will find something wrong with the spouse and leave over it. It's that simple.

Baragon · Post by **Baragon** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 9:31 pm

Iron and Light wrote:Actually, if you're counting on marriage to be your source of complete joy and happiness, you're going to be horrifically let down.

Horrifically doesn't even begin to describe it.

Okay, all kidding aside, I really agree with what Movieman said... Afterall, it's only by getting to know Him closer (as individuals) that a married couple may truly get closer, themselves. It's only as we grow in Christ that we grow as individuals, even within a marriage relationship. We can never truly be made whole by any other person, except through Christ.

A lot of people see marriage as an end-all... And unfortunately, they find out the hard way that they are sadly mistaken. Or, like most people I know, they're searching for that end-all and haven't yet realized their mistaken ways.

If we were made whole by our marriage, then I really do not want to know what God thought I was lacking...

American Eagle · Post by **American Eagle** » Mon Sep 29, 2008 3:52 pm

Not going immediately to see FIREPROOF!!!

Movieman · Post by **Movieman** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 1:11 am

American Eagle wrote:Not going immediately to see FIREPROOF!!!

SPAM!

American Eagle · Post by **American Eagle** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:25 pm

Movieman wrote:
American Eagle wrote:Not going immediately to see FIREPROOF!!!
SPAM!

O RLY

Jonathan · Post by **Jonathan** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 9:51 pm

American Eagle wrote:Oh really?

That was my reaction too--I fail to see how that post was spam

Baragon · Post by **Baragon** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 9:54 pm

American Eagle wrote:Not going immediately to see FIREPROOF!!!

Yes... when the divorce rate goes through the roof in 5 years, we'll all know it's from couples not seeing this movie.

American Eagle · Post by **American Eagle** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 11:35 pm

Admiral wrote:
American Eagle wrote:Not going immediately to see FIREPROOF!!!
Yes... when the divorce rate goes through the roof in 5 years, we'll all know it's from couples not seeing this movie.

Such truth. You are learning the ways of the world, my friend.

The Top Crusader · Post by **The Top Crusader** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 7:39 am

jasonjannajerryjohn wrote:I want to go ahed and say here that I have lost my faith in marriage. I no longer believe that marriage works simply because my dad has left us. I do not think that marriage is possible any longer. I know that it has been possible in the past, but it is no longer a viable option. Marriages simply can not work in this day in age. You know that someone will find something wrong with the spouse and leave over it. It's that simple.

That's... just insulting.

One man's missteps is hardly the way to judge the world.

Lizzy · Post by **Lizzy** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 8:19 am

I'm not married but my boyfriend and I are seriously talking about it and it's not if it's when we get married... I would agree that expecting all your problems to iron out when you find that "perfect" someone is a farce... I've seen up close and personal how hard you have to work to maintain a close, intimate, marriage and it's not a walk in the park! Sure it's wonderful and God planned for marriage to be good but it's still work... you're dealing with two fallen individuals in a relationship... unless someone knows any perfect people out there...

God needs to be the center of the relationship in order for it to work! He created marriage and so therefore He should be the Author of your love story!... does that make any sense?

Movieman · Post by **Movieman** » Thu Oct 16, 2008 11:44 pm

Jonathan wrote:
American Eagle wrote:Oh really?
That was my reaction too--I fail to see how that post was spam

It just seems like they were randomly promoting that movie without it having to do anything with this thread. Although, I don't know what the movie is about so perhaps it has something to do with failing marriages, in which case it would fit.

American Eagle · Post by **American Eagle** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 12:07 am

Movieman wrote:
Jonathan wrote:
American Eagle wrote:Oh really?
That was my reaction too--I fail to see how that post was spam
It just seems like they were randomly promoting that movie without it having to do anything with this thread. Although, I don't know what the movie is about so perhaps it has something to do with failing marriages, in which case it would fit.

Only a teeny, tiny bit about that.

Jugglah · Post by **Jugglah** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:17 pm

This is sort of related. My pastor has been preaching a series about how families should work, and he talked about a study that was done where a number of children were asked, "What is most important to you?"

They expected a lot of different answers, and they expected a large percent to answer, "Knowing that my parents love me." But they were not prepared for the results, because one answer was given far more than any other answer, and the answer was this: "Knowing that my parents love each other."

I have no doubt about that in my family, but I can only imagine the stress it puts on children to think or know that their parents don't love each other. I think that fighting between parents, and ultimately, divorce, is so selfish and unfair towards the children involved. I'm sure that going through the experience of having a your parents divorce affects your own future relationships. Which is really sad.

Iron and Light · Post by **Iron and Light** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:45 pm

Movieman wrote:
Jonathan wrote:
American Eagle wrote:Oh really?
That was my reaction too--I fail to see how that post was spam
It just seems like they were randomly promoting that movie without it having to do anything with this thread. Although, I don't know what the movie is about so perhaps it has something to do with failing marriages, in which case it would fit.

Haha. Yes, that must have been the reason why you thought it was spam. The whole movie is about saving a failed marriage. I haven't seen it either, by the way.